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Wedding Officiant -Debbi Ballard

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Home » Debbi's Deep Thoughts and Musings

We Had a Challah-Day!

September 22, 2019 by Debbi Ballard Leave a Comment

It was SUCH a wonderful day today, baking challah with my besties!

This morning, Melissa Cravitz Ferber felt a sore throat coming on so she opted in by FACETIME, and still made some rockin’ challah with us!

Making challah is a mitzvah. The special part about it is infusing the challah while you’re kneading it with your prayers – whether it is prayers of gratitude or refuah shelema (healing) or simply anything else you or someone else needs. When you send your love to the challah, it is sent into the world, and I find it to be so comforting and special.

Today I used a recipe from Tessasblog.com, and the link is below. 

I liked this recipe and wanted to try it because it called for more eggs than most recipes, and I got the exact result I wanted to.

They were big and fluffy! We even made an awesome dipping sauce (also on that blog page) and now we all have challah-babies!

SO fun!

Who wants to be part of the next CDB Challah-bake?

Good, Fluffy Challah (braided egg bread)

Filed Under: Debbi's Deep Thoughts and Musings, Let's Eat!

Where is God in Tragedy…How to find God in Our Darkest Hours

February 21, 2018 by Debbi Ballard Leave a Comment

Finding God in the most tragic events

 

I was in hell.

As a Spiritual Leader in the Jewish community in South Florida, I went into crisis mode when news struck of last week’s tragic shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, FL.  I immediately began checking in with all of MY PERSONAL families, the ones I have worked with over 15 years, who lived anywhere between Coral Springs and Boca, as I knew they would most likely be impacted somehow. Thankfully, in less than an hour, I learned all of MY students were home safe with families, but that was not the case for all families.  Some of my students were in the same classroom.  They watched their friends get shot, and die.  Their lives changed instantly in those moments, and that, alone, was tragic enough. The first questions I heard was How does God let this happen? Where is God at this moment?   How do we find God?

How do we find God in this tragedy?

When I work with my students, one of the most important components of teaching them for their B-Mitzvah, is to help them find their own personal image of God.  Finding Him, seeking Him out, connecting to Him in prayer, and building a relationship with God is so important.  Not in a religious way. But in a faith way.  It’s not easy to find God, especially when you cannot see Him.  But I teach my kids that by connecting, by “going there”, to a place you think God is, to simply sit in silence and wait for God to touch you – is the most effective way to find God.

But when tragedy strikes, we believe God has left the building.  Or worse yet, He doesn’t exist at all.  Or even more unthinkable – did God ALLOW this to happen?

All I could do at that moment, was go where families were most in pain.  I went straight to the Marriott in Heron Bay as a clergy and chaplain, as someone who could simply sit with these families, and share their pain with them.  To hold space for them, as they knew in their hearts, that if they hadn’t yet heard from their children by 9pm, then the worst possible news might be on the horizon.

What could I do?

I felt helpless, but purposeful.  Does that even make sense?  As if just being there could possibly help – but I know, somehow it did.  I couldn’t change the outcome, but I could simply be with this family, to let them know that in a world that seemed so dark, so full of hate, there was still love.

In that moment, I just had to share what I was feeling.  It was literally HELL.  A feeling of calm, suspended between hope and tragedy.  Nobody was really speaking of the darkness yet, but it loomed.  And you felt it.  It was palpable and evident.  But if you spoke of it, it might come closer.  If you held out hope, and held a vision of your child walking through that door, then suddenly – God would return as well.

I grabbed my phone.  I wrote.  Whatever flew through my fingertips, I memorialized the feeling.  I.  Was. In. Hell.

I wasn’t just a Spiritual Leader at that moment.  I was experiencing the tragedy, at one with my community.  Facebook allowed me to share my feelings

I. Am. In. Hell.

Or, perhaps the closest I’ve ever been. But I’m pretty sure, this is hell. I am in the room where families of children and staff are waiting, because they haven’t heard from their children or loved ones. According to the sheriff, nobody has been identified but they are asking 1 member of each family to email a picture of their child to mcv@sheriff.org with the parent name, child’s name, grade and date of birth. If you know families with missing children that have not been notified, please direct them here.

I’m grateful for the generosity of Publix and many local pizza places, as the food keeps arriving to sustain the families, but let’s not forget. This. Is. Hell. The families in this room don’t know where their children are. They feel helpless. And hopeless. There is not a single word I can say to make anyone feel better, but I am here. Because maybe I can make it a little less like hell if I offer a shoulder or a hug. Nobody knows how long it will be. The crime scene is still under investigation. The FBI and BSO is on full scale presence, with thousands of law enforcement, Red Cross, Chaplains and more. But I cannot bring myself to leave, even though I can’t change the outcome.

Today is a day of love. But it has been eternally marred by hatred, mental illness and a machine gun. You may ask… “How does God allow this to happen”? God doesn’t. He creates humans that choose good or evil. God doesn’t choose this hell for anyone. An evil human chose to destroy. God is in despair, at what a human has done. I must stand strong, unwavering in my faith at this moment, clinging to my belief that God is good. God is with all of us as we experience joy and tragedy.

Today, in this place, God is here. And so, that makes me feel hope. I will try my best to look for the light, and to be a light for someone else. But for right now, This. Is. Hell. May God answer the prayers of the families here today, but may we all choose to be the light for those whose worst nightmares may come true.Cantor Debbi Ballard

find God

My words of comfort during tragedy

In my job, people ask me all the time…”How does God let this happen”? How do I find God in times of tragedy such as this?

There is a wonderful book I read, that once provided me with all the answers I needed to this question.  It is called “I Have Some Questions About God”, published by Torah Aura Productions

God doesn’t let this happen.  He does not control every human (or any human), or outcome or occurrence in the universe.  God created humans, and while we were created in His image, we are yet, imperfect.  We have the capacity to choose good – or evil, as humans, and what created this evil was a human, not God.  When 2 students were killed at FSU, I wrote these words

God, I believe, is equally as much in despair as you and I, at what a human created.

When CNN called me, they had read my post.  They wanted to hear words of comfort they could share with their viewers.

This was my response, when they asked me for my words of comfort as a Spiritual Leader in the community.

Cantor Debbi on CNN

God is where you choose for Him to be

I can’t think of any other way to say it.  God can be your refuge, or God can be your scapegoat.  He will be whatever you make Him.

Today, and always, I choose God as my refuge.  I choose God as my light, and comfort.  He is a parent.  He is a friend.  And while He is a judge, the Almighty Judge, there is no judgment here.  There is only tragedy, created by a human.  And God is waiting for us to lean on Him.

B’Shalom

Cantor Debbi Ballard

Filed Under: Debbi's Deep Thoughts and Musings, Thoughts Tagged With: death, God, tragedy

Interfaith Holiday Celebrations – My Thoughts

December 13, 2017 by Debbi Ballard Leave a Comment

I turned the calendar page.  It’s December and that can only mean one thing. It’s holiday time. Personally, I love this time of year. Look around, people are smiling and making plans to spend time with their family and friends. I am no exception.  That said, interfaith holiday celebrations, something many members of my community have, can be challenging.

Each year, around this time,  some families are conflicted. When one adult was raised celebrating Hanukkah and the other celebrating Christmas, holiday time can often be stressful, even for those families who have discussed these issue and made religious commitments.

If you, as an interfaith family, have decided to raise your children Jewish, what DO you do at Christmas time?  Your in-laws celebrate.  Other family members celebrate. And honestly, Christmas is EVERYWHERE.  It’s in your face, even before Halloween.  It’s beautiful (all those lights) and it’s fun — who doesn’t want a visit from Santa? What should you do?

Or, if you are a Jewish parent who has committed to raising your child in the Christian faith, should you skip Hanukkah all together?  What about the holiday traditions you loved growing up.  There are dilemmas everywhere!

My Belief

As a spiritual adviser for the unaffiliated and interfaith communities, this question is familiar to me.  As a parent of a child who was raised in an interfaith family, this question is personal to me.  And, as a grandparent of the most beautiful little boy who is being raised in an interfaith family, this question is current for me.  However, my answer to the question is this: there is no right answer.

When this question is asked of me, I consistently deliver  a single response.  No matter what your decision, act with respect.  While my beliefs and faith in Judaism run deep (I was raised in a conservative household and am a Cantor by trade), my respect for all religions and all people run equally as deep.  We must, under all circumstances, understand that people have differing beliefs.  Although they may not align with ours, it doesn’t mean that they are wrong.

That said, Understanding this may make the following statement easier to comprehend.  “Although you have made a commitment to raising your child Jewish/Christian/Hindu/Muslim/Buddhist with your spouse; you must understand and accept that he/she has years of memories and experiences based in another religion.  Those beliefs and his/her love of specific traditions don’t disappear, even if you make a specific commitment.”   Honestly, I don’t really think they should. Our history (both religious and secular) shapes who we are; we should never turn our backs upon it.

My Advice

So, what should you do?  Well, that’s a tough question.  It depends on your beliefs. There are so many options.

Some Stories

For example, there is the story of my friend’s roommate.  She was raised Jewish; even had a Bat Mitzvah.  She met her husband after college.  He was Catholic.  At their wedding they had both a Rabbi and a Priest; I heard the ceremony was lovely.  Prior to the wedding, they made a commitment to raising their children Jewish.  They would have a Bris/Naming Ceremony and Bar/Bat Mitzvahs. Honestly, there is no debate, their children are Jewish.  However, every holiday season there is a Christmas tree in their house.  “Why”, you may ask?  “Aren’t they raising their children Jewish?”  “Yes, they are.”  Understand,  her husband is NOT Jewish.  He grew up celebrating Christmas and has a lifetime of memories and traditions.  She believes that having that tree celebrates him and allows him to share some of his holiday traditions with their family.  She respects his history and shares that respect with her family, such a special thing to do.

Additionally, there is another family where the husband is Jewish and the wife is Christian.  Again, they decided to raise their children Jewish.  They have no tree; her husband felt strongly about this and she agreed.  However, they spend Christmas every year with her family. There is a tree, stockings, Santa, and most importantly, lots of love.  The children understand that they are Jewish, but mommy is not.  And, they look forward to celebrating with her each year.

This begs the question, “would I be so understanding if Judaism was not the religion chosen for the children? My answer is a resounding yes!  Why, you may ask? Because of that one simple word, respect.  I respect the choices my friends and my community make; I will always honor them.  Understand, people make decisions for a variety of complex and personal reasons; it is not my job to question those.  I always counsel my families to discuss these issues early and often; and to anticipate issues along the way. However, I would never question the carefully made decision once it is final.  I would respect it.

Finally, one additional scenario, what about that couple that decides to not choose, to raise their children with aspect from both religions.  Well, here are my thoughts: I’m afraid that doing “both” puts the burden of future choice on a child, which represents their choice of one parent over another.  In my home, we raised our children to be educated in only one faith, but we honored the non Jewish parent (their father) by celebrating his holidays, but we communicated that we chose for them to be Jewish.  Children appreciate having definition – and feel more confident to make future choices knowing they had parents in agreement.

Interfaith Holiday Celebrations

In the end, regardless of  your choices, I encourage you to stand by them, honor them and continue to build memories and traditions for your family for years to come.  Providing your children a safe and harmonious place to celebrate who they are is important; and creating an environment of love serves as a foundation for how they will raise their children and celebrate holidays in the future.

Finally, respect your choices and the choices of others.  Don’t judge their decisions or actions.  Be a part of a holiday season that truly brings joy to all.

Happy Holidays!

For more information call me at 954-646-1326 I would love to learn about your family and share how I can work with you.

Filed Under: Debbi's Deep Thoughts and Musings, Holidays, Jewish Tagged With: inspiration, Interfaith, Spirituality, Thoughts

Shavuot – My Personal Observance

May 19, 2017 by Debbi Ballard Leave a Comment

I am a teacher, a spiritual leader and steadfast believer in the values of faith. Maybe that is why Shavuot has always been special to me. Much less celebrated than the “big” holidays (Passover, Hanukkah, Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur), Shavuot falls at a time of year where, in America (and specifically South Florida) it seems to get over looked. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Debbi's Deep Thoughts and Musings, Holidays Tagged With: Jewish holidays, Shavuot

Facing your fears and the hero of Passover

March 28, 2017 by Debbi Ballard Leave a Comment

Who do you think was the hero of Passover?

I bet you anything you’ll say Moses, right off the bat, right?

Well, it’s important to know the story of Passover and dig a little deeper, so I’m going to share my personal thoughts on a great Passover hero, Nachshon.

I’m not saying Moses wasn’t a hero – he was! He conquered his fears, despite feeling insecure as a result of his speech impediment, and he absolutely believed he was not worthy of the responsibility God had bestowed upon him. But, he had a huge advantage – he had God on his side, and his brother Aaron, supporting and encouraging all the way.

Nachshon was not so lucky. As the Israelites approached the Sea of Reeds, and Pharoah’s army was already in hot pursuit, intending to recapture the released slave community, he was left with a choice – a momentary decision that would change history.

Nachshon had a debilitating fear of water. As he looked ahead, and all around, he saw only water, fear, and was sure he would drown.

As he looked back, he saw Pharoah’s army, closing in on the Israelites. Surely, he could not go back. He knew in that moment that going backwards not only also meant death, but regression and surrender to evil.

So, he chose forward. He put those fears aside, and stuck his toe into the water. Consumed even more with fear, he continued, staring fear in the face, and moving forward.

Just at the moment the water was about to overtake Nachshon, the miracle occurred. Moses lifted his staff unto the heavens. In concert with the Divine, at that very moment the waters parted, and the Israelites had a clear path to freedom.

So – who was the hero? What brought upon us this great miracle? Did Moses have supernatural power? Well, kind of – he had God leading the way. But my hero of the day is Nachshon. An ordinary guy, using his human power to conquer fear, look forward, and move through the fear. Making it to the other side, I am inspired by this story, year after year.

Facing fears and the hero of Passover

Not a day goes by that I’m not afraid of something. But I always keep the story of Nachshon nearby to remind me that fear will always be what stops me – if I allow it.

This Passover, what are you afraid of, that you are willing to stare in the face and move through?

Wishing you a holiday of strength and perseverance, like those who came before us.

Filed Under: Debbi's Deep Thoughts and Musings, Thoughts Tagged With: inspiration, Jewish heroes, passover

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