Jewish Archives - My Personal Cantor

Interfaith Holiday Celebrations – My Thoughts

December 13, 2017 by Debbi Ballard Leave a Comment

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I turned the calendar page. It’s December and that can only mean one thing. It’s holiday time. Personally, I love this time of year. Look around, people are smiling and making plans to spend time with their family and friends. I am no exception. That said, interfaith holiday celebrations, something many members of my community have, can be challenging.

Each year, around this time, some families are conflicted. When one adult was raised celebrating Hanukkah and the other celebrating Christmas, holiday time can often be stressful, even for those families who have discussed these issue and made religious commitments.

If you, as an interfaith family, have decided to raise your children Jewish, what DO you do at Christmas time? Your in-laws celebrate. Other family members celebrate. And honestly, Christmas is EVERYWHERE. It’s in your face, even before Halloween. It’s beautiful (all those lights) and it’s fun — who doesn’t want a visit from Santa? What should you do?

Or, if you are a Jewish parent who has committed to raising your child in the Christian faith, should you skip Hanukkah all together? What about the holiday traditions you loved growing up. There are dilemmas everywhere!

My Belief

As a spiritual adviser for the unaffiliated and interfaith communities, this question is familiar to me. As a parent of a child who was raised in an interfaith family, this question is personal to me. And, as a grandparent of the most beautiful little boy who is being raised in an interfaith family, this question is current for me. However, my answer to the question is this: there is no right answer.

When this question is asked of me, I consistently deliver a single response. No matter what your decision, act with respect. While my beliefs and faith in Judaism run deep (I was raised in a conservative household and am a Cantor by trade), my respect for all religions and all people run equally as deep. We must, under all circumstances, understand that people have differing beliefs. Although they may not align with ours, it doesn’t mean that they are wrong.

That said, Understanding this may make the following statement easier to comprehend. “Although you have made a commitment to raising your child Jewish/Christian/Hindu/Muslim/Buddhist with your spouse; you must understand and accept that he/she has years of memories and experiences based in another religion. Those beliefs and his/her love of specific traditions don’t disappear, even if you make a specific commitment.” Honestly, I don’t really think they should. Our history (both religious and secular) shapes who we are; we should never turn our backs upon it.

My Advice

So, what should you do? Well, that’s a tough question. It depends on your beliefs. There are so many options.

Some Stories

For example, there is the story of my friend’s roommate. She was raised Jewish; even had a Bat Mitzvah. She met her husband after college. He was Catholic. At their wedding they had both a Rabbi and a Priest; I heard the ceremony was lovely. Prior to the wedding, they made a commitment to raising their children Jewish. They would have a Bris/Naming Ceremony and Bar/Bat Mitzvahs. Honestly, there is no debate, their children are Jewish. However, every holiday season there is a Christmas tree in their house. “Why”, you may ask? “Aren’t they raising their children Jewish?” “Yes, they are.” Understand, her husband is NOT Jewish. He grew up celebrating Christmas and has a lifetime of memories and traditions. She believes that having that tree celebrates him and allows him to share some of his holiday traditions with their family. She respects his history and shares that respect with her family, such a special thing to do.

Additionally, there is another family where the husband is Jewish and the wife is Christian. Again, they decided to raise their children Jewish. They have no tree; her husband felt strongly about this and she agreed. However, they spend Christmas every year with her family. There is a tree, stockings, Santa, and most importantly, lots of love. The children understand that they are Jewish, but mommy is not. And, they look forward to celebrating with her each year.

This begs the question, “would I be so understanding if Judaism was not the religion chosen for the children? My answer is a resounding yes! Why, you may ask? Because of that one simple word, respect. I respect the choices my friends and my community make; I will always honor them. Understand, people make decisions for a variety of complex and personal reasons; it is not my job to question those. I always counsel my families to discuss these issues early and often; and to anticipate issues along the way. However, I would never question the carefully made decision once it is final. I would respect it.

Finally, one additional scenario, what about that couple that decides to not choose, to raise their children with aspect from both religions. Well, here are my thoughts: I’m afraid that doing “both” puts the burden of future choice on a child, which represents their choice of one parent over another. In my home, we raised our children to be educated in only one faith, but we honored the non Jewish parent (their father) by celebrating his holidays, but we communicated that we chose for them to be Jewish. Children appreciate having definition – and feel more confident to make future choices knowing they had parents in agreement.

Interfaith Holiday Celebrations

In the end, regardless of your choices, I encourage you to stand by them, honor them and continue to build memories and traditions for your family for years to come. Providing your children a safe and harmonious place to celebrate who they are is important; and creating an environment of love serves as a foundation for how they will raise their children and celebrate holidays in the future.

Finally, respect your choices and the choices of others. Don’t judge their decisions or actions. Be a part of a holiday season that truly brings joy to all.

Happy Holidays!

For more information call me at 954-646-1326 I would love to learn about your family and share how I can work with you.

Delia and Mitch’s Weeklong Jewish Wedding Celebration

March 5, 2010 by Debbi Ballard 1 Comment

No rests for the weary! Brett and Andrea’s Jewish wedding was certainly a highlight last weekend, but the rush back across the alley to be back for Sunday morning’s event was well worth the drive!

Delia called me just a few weeks ago. Her “real” wedding was planned for March 7th, this coming Sunday, but her in-laws, Mitch’s parents would be unable to make the trip to New York for the wedding ceremony. As the daughter in law, it was very important for her to celebrate this moment with Mitch’s parents, and to give them the opportunity to celebrate this simcha with their friends as well. Delia, the brilliant, compassionate woman that she is had a stellar idea!

She called me to ask if I as their Cantor and wedding officiant would simulate in its entirety, a Jewish wedding ceremony complete with all the bells and whistles, without having to “make it legal”, which of course, was just fine with me! So, last Sunday, on a magnificently sunny but cool winter morning in Highland Beach, FL, I performed a beautiful Jewish wedding ceremony for Delia, Mitch, his parents. and 30 of their closest friends.

I was incredibly impressed with the way the Holiday Inn, Highland Beach set up the ceremony location, right on the water, on the patio, off the dining room.

What really touched me, was that now, Delia’s parents were not present, so Mitch’s Dad walked Delia down the aisle, as Mitch’s mom walked her son. They chose four close friends to hold my self-made chuppah poles, and because of the time of day – bright and early on Sunday morning – we used an alternative “fruit of the vine” – oranges. Well, kind of like a vine, I guess – but far more palatable, at that time of day!

I didn’t have much time to get to know Delia and Mitch, but something happens when I stand with a bride and groom at one of the most intimate moments of their lives. The feelings transcend the experience and as Delia and Mitch emotionally shared their vows repeating after me, I felt like I had known them forever. It was a beautiful moment, incredibly real, and equally as moving as I’m sure their wedding ceremony will be this coming weekend.

I’m so happy I was there for them, and Mitch’s parents called me immediately the day following the wedding to thank me beyond words. It is families like this that make my job as a Cantor and wedding officiant so joyous and happy, and I am so honored to have had the privilege of beginning Mitch and Delia’s weeklong Jewish wedding celebration!

Best of luck to you both, and enjoy the wedding!

B’Shalom

Want to create your own “dream come true wedding”? Contact Cantor Debbi today to see how you can co-create the event of your dreams.

Where Did Summer Go??

August 27, 2009 by Debbi Ballard 3 Comments

My biggest challenge this year has been to maintain any consistency in my writing. I seem to get really inspired to write, and post a ton of blogs at one time, and then I get so busy, that every time I go to write, I am wiped out clean of any inspiration to be creative, or even to express my thoughts and experiences in words. Crazy. So here I am, ready to go again, and realize it’s once again been months since I’ve posted a blog. Even crazier, that I love my blogging, that it has become the hardest thing to do, but sometimes, there’s just not enough minutes in the day.

So, I’m about to begin another Jewish year. Not only do I know I have tons of work to do in getting ready for HH ’09, but, I have lots of work to do looking back. I couldn’t begin looking forward until I spent some time catching up on where I’ve been over the last few months.

Last I wrote, I had just gotten back from St. John, where I performed the wedding for Jen & Ilan, and their 2 little girls. It was so amazing! Then, I was in San Juan for Meredith & Vincent’s wedding – that I still need to blog about. It was at the Fort, and it was a beautiful day! Right after the wedding, I was rushed back to the airport, to perform Susi & Joe’s wedding in Key Biscayne the next morning, so needless to say – it took a while to recover!

Of course, there was Reid’s Bar Mitzvah, the following week, which was such a great experience. Kudos to Richard & Jayne, who defied social tradition, and had a lovely, small, private, intimate service right in their home. Reid did a great job, and I was so proud of him!

THEN – the highlight of my month – I took off to the NC Smoky Mountains, where I go camping, hiking, and white water rafting for 10 amazing days! Just wait till I post pictures of my TENT – and the bear we came across while hiking! We got lots of rain towards the end of the week, so we headed off to my friend Kerin’s cabin in Boone, and spent the rest of vacation in the beautiful Pisgah National Forest.

I thought August would be quiet, but today is the 27th, and I don’t know where the month went. I performed a Bar Mitzvah for Makhail, where everyone came in “Jedi” costumes, and a very sad funeral, for the loss of my friend’s mother, a beautiful woman who was taken far too early. Then, it was time to take Trevor to Gainesville, and Lauren to Jacksonville, and that brings me to today- where I just returned home, ready to go!

I am, however, going to take a few hours to hit the beach, and go for a walk, enjoying the beautiful Florida outdoors. I have missed sun, and relaxation, but I just couldn’t hit the sand and surf without taking a few minutes to write. I want to write about all of these things that I have done this summer, but I also have many new and exciting things to cover coming up.

Oh wait – did I mention I got certified to scuba dive, and will now be performing underwater weddings with ProDiveUSA? Yeah, so much to tell…

Stay tuned, I’ll be back – but for now, going to get a dose of vitamin D!

LOVE YA!

A Magnificent Chuppa gallery, from Flickr

April 28, 2009 by Debbi Ballard Leave a Comment

Woke up this morning and was checking out the Jewish Wedding Network’s recent activity, as I’m really hoping their site does well!

I came across a Chuppah photo gallery, and wow – some of these are amazing.

In my opinion, Seth & Dana’s chuppah still takes the first place award of weddings I have officiated, but some of these are just simply incredible. My sincere kudos for the artists who imagined, and created them!

I often have so many brides who run into chuppa challenges, whether they be financial or creative, and this gallery shows that something as simple as a scarf above your heads, or as elaborate as a chuppa made of lights, can be a beautiful and “kosher” addition to your wedding. It doesn’t have to be about the flowers.

If you’re looking for simple or elegant chuppah ideas, you’ll find them here!

Enjoy!

Reflections on Passover

April 23, 2009 by Debbi Ballard 1 Comment

Well, with Passover behind me, I can finally breathe a bit, and settle back into writing. I have been so fortunate to do some great events lately, but Passover was stellar, and I’m so excited to have had the honor to return to Broken Sound for the 2nd year in a row.

Once again, F&B Director Ed Cichelo & the staff at Broken Sound Country Club did an amazing job, and I’m so grateful to Ed for making me a part of this exciting event, and being so gracious to me and my family who joined me on both nights. The Country Club is absolutely beautiful, and they do such a great job with the room. First night, I think we were somewhere between 700-800, and it’s an amazing feat just to get food out of a kitchen and on tables, but I watch in amazement at the precise process and amazing training the staff has at making guests feel comfortable. White gloves and precision placement of plates on a table are the highlight, until you taste the food! Dinner includes a full half chicken, yummy brisket, 2 types of potato puree, fresh veggies, and that’s just the entree! You’re really lucky if you can eat half the entree, because by the time it gets there, you’ve eaten whitefish salad, Matzo Ball soup, gefilte fish and salad, and all the matzoh you can eat! YUM! But what really makes this unbelievable is the price – Ed, you do an amazing job!

Passover with Cantor Debbi at Broken Sound Country Club — Passover Seder Plate

For the Seder, I try to make it as interesting, light hearted, interactive, and understandable for everyone. I use a really fun Haggadah, and my highlight is the involvement I have with the kids. Midway through the seder, I bring the kids up and we all sing The Four Questions together. It is such a precious picture to see little 3 year old brother and sister holding hands together as we sing. I tell everyone to get ready, because at the end of dinner, we will get back together to find the afikoman. And sure enough, I have about 30 kids scurrying through a room of 700, searching for the afikoman. It’s to die for! Ed gives me a stack of $1 bills, so I can give EVERYONE a gift for searching – but I think it’s funny how the 30 grows to 45 when I’m handing out the dollars! 🙂

Regardless, Passover is about remembering our ancestors, being grateful for our freedom, religious, and personal, and looking forward to a season of renewal. I kind of feel like we have 2 New Years in the Jewish faith, because I certainly feel renewed and eager to explore new ideas and change for the upcoming year during Passover. This season, I am grateful for my professional freedom to express my faith and worship as I choose, to find G-d in unexpected places, and to continue my spiritual path of learning and growth. I have great ideas to put into action for the coming year, and am looking at new ways to interact with people.

I pray that this season of spring, you find your own new ways of self expression, gratitude for what really matters, and breaking the bonds of your own personal slavery. Freedom is amazing, truly. What you do with it makes it even more so.