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Home » Lifecycle Events » Holidays

Interfaith Holiday Celebrations – My Thoughts

December 13, 2017 by Debbi Ballard Leave a Comment

I turned the calendar page.  It’s December and that can only mean one thing. It’s holiday time. Personally, I love this time of year. Look around, people are smiling and making plans to spend time with their family and friends. I am no exception.  That said, interfaith holiday celebrations, something many members of my community have, can be challenging.

Each year, around this time,  some families are conflicted. When one adult was raised celebrating Hanukkah and the other celebrating Christmas, holiday time can often be stressful, even for those families who have discussed these issue and made religious commitments.

If you, as an interfaith family, have decided to raise your children Jewish, what DO you do at Christmas time?  Your in-laws celebrate.  Other family members celebrate. And honestly, Christmas is EVERYWHERE.  It’s in your face, even before Halloween.  It’s beautiful (all those lights) and it’s fun — who doesn’t want a visit from Santa? What should you do?

Or, if you are a Jewish parent who has committed to raising your child in the Christian faith, should you skip Hanukkah all together?  What about the holiday traditions you loved growing up.  There are dilemmas everywhere!

My Belief

As a spiritual adviser for the unaffiliated and interfaith communities, this question is familiar to me.  As a parent of a child who was raised in an interfaith family, this question is personal to me.  And, as a grandparent of the most beautiful little boy who is being raised in an interfaith family, this question is current for me.  However, my answer to the question is this: there is no right answer.

When this question is asked of me, I consistently deliver  a single response.  No matter what your decision, act with respect.  While my beliefs and faith in Judaism run deep (I was raised in a conservative household and am a Cantor by trade), my respect for all religions and all people run equally as deep.  We must, under all circumstances, understand that people have differing beliefs.  Although they may not align with ours, it doesn’t mean that they are wrong.

That said, Understanding this may make the following statement easier to comprehend.  “Although you have made a commitment to raising your child Jewish/Christian/Hindu/Muslim/Buddhist with your spouse; you must understand and accept that he/she has years of memories and experiences based in another religion.  Those beliefs and his/her love of specific traditions don’t disappear, even if you make a specific commitment.”   Honestly, I don’t really think they should. Our history (both religious and secular) shapes who we are; we should never turn our backs upon it.

My Advice

So, what should you do?  Well, that’s a tough question.  It depends on your beliefs. There are so many options.

Some Stories

For example, there is the story of my friend’s roommate.  She was raised Jewish; even had a Bat Mitzvah.  She met her husband after college.  He was Catholic.  At their wedding they had both a Rabbi and a Priest; I heard the ceremony was lovely.  Prior to the wedding, they made a commitment to raising their children Jewish.  They would have a Bris/Naming Ceremony and Bar/Bat Mitzvahs. Honestly, there is no debate, their children are Jewish.  However, every holiday season there is a Christmas tree in their house.  “Why”, you may ask?  “Aren’t they raising their children Jewish?”  “Yes, they are.”  Understand,  her husband is NOT Jewish.  He grew up celebrating Christmas and has a lifetime of memories and traditions.  She believes that having that tree celebrates him and allows him to share some of his holiday traditions with their family.  She respects his history and shares that respect with her family, such a special thing to do.

Additionally, there is another family where the husband is Jewish and the wife is Christian.  Again, they decided to raise their children Jewish.  They have no tree; her husband felt strongly about this and she agreed.  However, they spend Christmas every year with her family. There is a tree, stockings, Santa, and most importantly, lots of love.  The children understand that they are Jewish, but mommy is not.  And, they look forward to celebrating with her each year.

This begs the question, “would I be so understanding if Judaism was not the religion chosen for the children? My answer is a resounding yes!  Why, you may ask? Because of that one simple word, respect.  I respect the choices my friends and my community make; I will always honor them.  Understand, people make decisions for a variety of complex and personal reasons; it is not my job to question those.  I always counsel my families to discuss these issues early and often; and to anticipate issues along the way. However, I would never question the carefully made decision once it is final.  I would respect it.

Finally, one additional scenario, what about that couple that decides to not choose, to raise their children with aspect from both religions.  Well, here are my thoughts: I’m afraid that doing “both” puts the burden of future choice on a child, which represents their choice of one parent over another.  In my home, we raised our children to be educated in only one faith, but we honored the non Jewish parent (their father) by celebrating his holidays, but we communicated that we chose for them to be Jewish.  Children appreciate having definition – and feel more confident to make future choices knowing they had parents in agreement.

Interfaith Holiday Celebrations

In the end, regardless of  your choices, I encourage you to stand by them, honor them and continue to build memories and traditions for your family for years to come.  Providing your children a safe and harmonious place to celebrate who they are is important; and creating an environment of love serves as a foundation for how they will raise their children and celebrate holidays in the future.

Finally, respect your choices and the choices of others.  Don’t judge their decisions or actions.  Be a part of a holiday season that truly brings joy to all.

Happy Holidays!

For more information call me at 954-646-1326 I would love to learn about your family and share how I can work with you.

Filed Under: Debbi's Deep Thoughts and Musings, Holidays, Jewish Tagged With: inspiration, Interfaith, Spirituality, Thoughts

High Holidays 5778 – Looking Back

November 30, 2017 by Debbi Ballard Leave a Comment

Wow, has more than a month already gone by since we gathered as a community in the beautiful Miramar Cultural Center to celebrate the High Holidays 5778?  I can’t believe it; but, it has.  To be honest, September and October have flown by and, in my mind, are a combination of a blur of activity and a collection very specific moments which I can picture with level of clarity that makes them seem almost current.

Looking Back… Irma, I Heard You!

Let me be honest, the prelude to this year’s high holidays was not what I (or any of us) had expected.  Hear that Irma?!  The two weeks leading up to the holidays, during which I traditionally plan my services and coordinate the seemingly endless details associated with this undertaking, were interrupted by constant weather reports complete with a big storm icon emblazoned with the number five, right over my house!  So, I bought water and canned goods, and batteries and fans. I hurricane proofed my house and I prepared for evacuation.  And, I worked on my plans for the Hi-Ho’s 5778. Unfortunately, time does not stand still; and fortunately, life goes on.  So did I.   Sadly,  something had to give;  this year it was sleep.  Everything else was too high a priority.

Eventually, Irma came and went.  Truthfully, she was frightening; but,  in the end,  she was “only” a category one.  We saw the local damage she caused and we were all thankful we weren’t hit harder.   Once I knew I was safe,I moved back home (after my brief evacuation to Delray).  Then, with the help of my kids, I cleaned up all the hurricane debris around my house.  And, during it all, I finished planning! Before I knew it, Rosh Hashanah was upon us.

Services for High Holidays  – Cycles of our Lives

Our Rabbi, and Shofar Blower, Rabbi Steve

The Miramar Cultural Center was beautiful, as always.  Honestly, I have grown to love this venue.  It truly feels like each year I am coming home.    My community, my families, were actively present, and as always and I was beyond grateful to be there.  Together with my father, Rabbi Steve, my daughter and son-in-law, Lauren and Jay, my son Trevor (who carries the Torah for the Hakafah!) and my most favorite congregant, my grandson Jayden, things couldn’t have been more perfect.

Cantor Debbi lights up when she sings for her Shema Koleinu community

The focus of my sermon was the number 7, which I shared has great significance in the Bible and in numerology.   The knowledge that this  was the seventh year we celebrated the high holidays in this location, together, brought me a special sense of peace.   Remember, seven represents end of a cycle, it symbolizes completion and identifies an opportunity to review all that has occurred.

The Past Paves the Road to the Future

I have spent considerable time reviewing. Now, I believe, it is time to move forward.  As I look ahead, I find my heart and my head filled with excitement as I begin a new cycle.  I remember this feeling from seven years ago, and I welcome it.  Where will life take me?  What new and exciting adventures lie ahead?  Without question, I know that what I have built here, in South Florida, will  serve as a formidable foundation for what comes next.  It is strong, well-developed and ready to grow.

The community I have brought together often seems like an extension of my own family.  I treasure celebrating with you.  Our time together is special, not only the high holidays as part of Shema Koleinu (http://shemakoleinu.org), but also all your life cycle events:  your bar and bat mitzvahs, your weddings and your baby namings.  I love working with your children and building relationships that enrich my life on a daily basis.  So many of you have grown from my clients for a single event, to  members of my community for all that we do together, to my friends for a lifetime. And, I cherish those relationships more than words can say.

The Next Cycle

Rabbi Steve with his great grandson, Jayden

So, as I embark on my next cycle, so do all of you.  It may not be the cycle that the number seven signifies.  It may simply be the cycle of a new year.  While the high holidays have passed, the  traditional “holiday season” is  almost upon us.  First, Thanksgiving is upon us.  Then we will celebrate Hanukkah and New Years.  Start now to determine what is next for you personally and professionally.  By beginning to plan your next cycle now, you are giving yourself time to reflect on the past, visualize the future.  As a result, you will be able to  develop a well-thought out plan to achieve your goals.

Perhaps you can help me plan my next cycle.  First, are you familiar with any areas with a large, unaffiliated Jewish population that may have a void that I can help fill? Any ideas of where can I expand the services that I offer?  Please, let me know if you do.  I am always looking to grow, to expand the communities which I serve and to evolve in everything that I do.  All of this, of course, will happen while I continue to serve all of you, my community, my friends, my family.  In short, a new cycle is the perfect time to look ahead.

 

Cantor Debbi Ballard, a fixture in the unafilliated Jewish community of south Florida, has over 13 years experience providing spiritual guidance, officiating at life cycle events and serving her community in many ways.  For more information visit http://mypersonalcantor.com

 

 

Filed Under: About, Holidays, Thoughts Tagged With: Bat Mitzvah, High Holidays, Jewish Community, Rosh Hashana

Celebrating 7 Years

September 20, 2017 by Debbi Ballard Leave a Comment

Shema Koleinu High Holidays in South Florida – 7 Magical Years

celebrating Shema Koleinu's seven magical years

7.

The number 7 carries tremendous significance  in both the Bible and in numerology.  7 represents completion, rest, and an opportunity to review that which we created.

Today, my heart soars as I celebrate #7 with my Shema Koleinu unaffiliated Jewish community in South Florida, with my father, Rabbi Steve, and while I don’t quite feel restful, perhaps that will be in store for me – soon.

In 2011, I had a vision.  After reaching a point in my practice where I had served enough unaffiliated Jewish families to warrant a gathering – I decided to put my own gathering together.  Of course – in Cantor Debbi Ballard style – this couldn’t be just a simple gathering. This had to be AWESOME and AMAZING – in year 1!

I went in search of a physical space to hold this gathering, and saw many auditoriums and social halls that would hold the number of people I envisioned.  After exploring many possibilities, I found Miramar Cultural Center in South Florida.  It was regal, majestic, and the moment I stepped in to the auditorium, I could see the entire service – and my dad and I on stage – and many many people – adults, seniors and children filling the audience.

AND NOW…..

Tonight, I will step onto that stage for the 7th year, and I am filled with so many feelings as I prepare my mind and body for this incredible job of leading my unaffiliated Jewish community in services.

I’ve accomplished A LOT in 7 years.  2011 was the beginning of my most dramatic growth, personally and professionally.  I have watched many Bar Mitzvah and Bat Mitzvah students continue on through high school and college, and in my 12 year tenure, have now had the opportunity to perform a few Jewish-Interfaith weddings for some of those students.  I have performed over 300 Bar Mitzvahs since that time (500 in total) and brought over 300 couples to the chuppah.  I’ve welcomed over 100 babies into the world, and helped over 100 unaffiliated Jewish families say goodbye to precious loved ones.

The significance of #7

In the Torah, in the book of Genesis, the first book of the Five Books of Moses, we are taught about the creation; specifically – the 7 days of creation.

On each of the days. God created something specific, like the earth, the planets, the trees, the animals, the waters and the heavens.  On day 6, God created man.  And on day 7 – God rested, but it wasn’t just about rest.

The most important thing God did – as he did with everything he created is that he paused, looked back and reflected, and he said – “This is good”.  It may not have been perfect, but it sure was good, and it was the vision God had, manifested into physical space, and sometimes, the manifestation of a vision is enough.  Sometimes, it’s even perfectly imperfect.

What #7 means to me

Today, I look back at what I have created. Along with my dad, and even the help of my kids and some VERY significant congregants, I am so proud to say…
This.  Is.  Good.

Perhaps not perfect, but what good is perfection?  Imperfect keeps me striving.  Imperfect makes me feel alive – to greet another year – to keep going – to change things – to adapt. Imperfect encourages me to set new goals, and find new ways of doing what God has called me to do, and new ways of expressing myself in this awesome and amazing life.

7 – Looking forward

7.

This year has been turned a bit on its head with hurricanes, earthquakes, and political strife.  But, we do the best we can, we look back and find better ways of being, and just for now – we rest, admire, and breathe.

I wish for all of you a year where you can look at your perfect imperfection – and breathe. Love what you have created.  Feel the Divinity.  Know it is yours.  Make plans.  Make changes.  Thank you, #7.

Filed Under: Holidays, Thoughts, worship Tagged With: High Holy Days

Shavuot – My Personal Observance

May 19, 2017 by Debbi Ballard Leave a Comment

I am a teacher, a spiritual leader and steadfast believer in the values of faith. Maybe that is why Shavuot has always been special to me. Much less celebrated than the “big” holidays (Passover, Hanukkah, Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur), Shavuot falls at a time of year where, in America (and specifically South Florida) it seems to get over looked. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Debbi's Deep Thoughts and Musings, Holidays Tagged With: Jewish holidays, Shavuot

Getting Ready For Passover….Preparing (and understanding) Your Seder Plate

March 18, 2017 by Debbi Ballard Leave a Comment

Getting Ready for Passover – Preparing Your Seder Plate

Passover is one of the most symbolic of the Jewish holidays and the Seder plate is the centerpiece of our table. The Seder features the story of Exodus and at the heart of the Seder table is the Seder Plate. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Debbi's Deep Thoughts and Musings, Holidays, Let's Eat! Tagged With: passover, Seder Plate

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