My Personal Cantor

Wedding Officiant -Debbi Ballard

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Home » Lifecycle Events » Page 18

Miracles do come true…

July 20, 2008 by Debbi Ballard Leave a Comment

Today was one of those red circle days on the calendar. Life seems to have revolved around today, and I’ve pushed through May, sometimes feeling like I didn’t even take the time to breathe. This morning, I felt totally overwhelmed with my upcoming commitments for the day, and now, at 9pm, the day is past, and I am finished with my work. And what a day it has been…

Josh..My amazing Josh. Today was his Bar Mitzvah, and for the first time in a while, tomorrow – at 10 a.m., when I would have normally gone to his house for tutoring, I will be sad for the emptiness in my calendar. This child has brightened my day every Sunday, and has reminded me weekly that I am perfect for what I do, and what I do is perfect for me. Hebrew school didn’t fit for Josh. He acted out, disrupted the class, and his Mom was at a loss for what to do. What was worse, was his Mom worked at the synagogue, and felt that nobody made the effort to engage Josh in his lessons, or in Jewish learning. And so Mom asked me to officiate Josh’s service, and I immediately agreed to help.

In the beginning, working with Josh was no picnic. His dad had passed away, and to make ends meet, his mom works 2 and sometimes 3 jobs to give him a good life, and raise him in a great city with great schools. But, Josh was quite angry at times, and acted out in ways that didn’t really help him much when it came to earning respect from his teachers. And much of the time, in the beginning, Josh wasn’t even very nice to his Mom, either.

One day, Josh was being particularly nasty, and I got up and left his house in the middle of his lesson. He cried. He begged me not to leave, and it broke my heart. But I left anyway, knowing that somehow, this child had to take responsibility for his behavior. He called me later that night, apologized, and promised that he would never act out again. And he held up his end of the bargain. Every day, for 1 hour on Sunday mornings, Josh couldn’t wait to show me what he knew, and how hard he had worked. We understood each other, and immediately began to enjoy working together. He would greet me in the mornings, most of the time with a big hug and kiss, and the hour would fly by.

Today, Josh proved to me, his family, the world, and most importantly – himself…what a little bit of hard work, dedication, respect, and self discipline can do. Josh led our service perfectly today. Josh stood on the bimah, and became a man, and I’m not sure who was prouder – his Mom, his grandparents, or me. Many teachers gave up on Josh, but I saw something in that young man that made me know that he and I would work miracles together. ….and we did….

…But…that was just the first half of the day..

Filed Under: Bar/Bat Mitzvah Adventures, Judaism Tagged With: Bar Mitzvah, Jewish, Judaism

Another Bar Mitzvah becomes my favorite!

July 20, 2008 by Debbi Ballard Leave a Comment

Today was FINALLY the day of Randy & Alex’s Bar Mitzvah! I know they never thought the day would come – and quite frankly, neither did I! Or – I was afraid it would come too fast, and they wouldn’t be prepared! But – miracles do happen, and the boys amazed me today at their service! They did such a good job, and they were so proud of themselves. Not that I need reasons to believe in what I do, but the feeling we all had at the end was definitely a reminder, if I did need one..

My relationship with Randy’s family was very special. Their oldest son, Terry, was Trevor’s Bar Mitzvah partner 5 years ago. I tutored them both, and while Trevor was simple, and needed very little teaching, Terry was, well…a bit more of a challenge. Then, 2 years later, I had the pleasure of tutoring his sister, Casey. (Who was MUCH sweeter at the time, but still a bit of a challenge) Then, along comes Randy, and now that I am able to officiate Bar Mitzvah ceremonies on my own, their family came right to me, and asked me to create a service for them, and their friend’s, the Kaplans. It was agreed – I would officate the Bar Mitzvah for both Randy and Alex.

I was nervous last night, and even more so this morning. These kids are hockey fanatics, and let me tell you – everything in their lives was about hockey! Getting them to study every week was a chore, but they were the sweetest boys, I could never really get mad at them. And even though we struggled to get through the lessons, they had the most amazing attitude and pride in what they were doing. I knew it was tough for them to get it all done, and today, they made me the most proud Bar Mitzvah tutor and Cantor on earth!

I wrote a few of my own melodies to change things up this time, and I made especially sure that I made this a learning service. I am convinced these days, that in a modern Bar Mitzvah service, sometimes we find just as many non-Jews, as we do Jewish attendees, and it is important to explain every component of the service. I have heard from many of my Jewish guests, that they even appreciated hearing why we do what we do – as if they were never taught the actual reasons and meanings behind our ritual traditions.

So, at the end, from my Jewish guests and non, I had amazing comments and fAlex and Randyelt so proud of this very special service that we created. The boys were beaming with pride, as were their families. I know they will take the lessons they learned in this experience, and continue to apply them to their lives. Just when I’m most nervous about the outcome, another service becomes my “best ever”! Thanks, Randy & Alex. You did SUCH a great job!

P.S. – It is important to note that in both of these families, the MOM was the NON-JEW. Each of these mothers make a tremendous commitment to raising Jewish families, and without them, the Bar Mitzvah’s would never have happened. I know this is becoming more common, but I just have to go on record by publicly thanking them for their ultimate commitment to their Jewish husbands and their children, and for sharing the responsibility of Jewish continuity. I couldn’t be more proud.

Filed Under: Bar/Bat Mitzvah Adventures, Judaism Tagged With: Bar Mitzvah, Interfaith

What a month!

July 20, 2008 by Debbi Ballard Leave a Comment

I can’t believe it has been an entire month since I posted last, and I can’t believe how much has taken place since then as well. The wedding experience in Mexico was amazing, and as soon as I got home, it was time to prepare for Trevor’s 18th birthday on the 22nd. And then, of course, it was time for Christmas, and for the first time in 20 years, I was faced with spending Christmas morning alone. Amazingly, a few days before, my friend and mentor Jerry called me to see if I could do a baby naming for his friend, Janet Shapiro, on Christmas morning. “Absolutely!” I said, and called his friend to begin planning the ceremony. It was a small family gathering for his friend’s son and daughter-in-law, and their two boys. They had been circumcised at birth, but never had their naming, so we created a beautiful service that honored the family, and the history of the boys’ names.

The family was lovely. They welcomed me into their home, and were so grateful that I could accommodate them on such short notice, with such a nice ceremony. Little did they know, I really appreciated them even more than they appreciated me on that day, because being without my kids and the “other side” of my family, whom I had celebrated with for so many years made for somewhat of a sad day.

It was time to break the tradition. Wayne and I have worked hard over the years to save our kids from feeling the effects of a divorced home. We worked hard to carry on traditions without changing how we observed or celebrated, and have always celebrated together. But, being that the kids each turned 18 and 20 this year, and our need for each of us to begin to claim independent lives, it was time to make the break. In the end, I’m glad we did, and I’m looking forward to creating new traditions for myself. In the meantime, having families to celebrate lifecycle events with, like the Shapiro’s, makes me know I am continuing on the right path.

Little did I know at the time that my lifecycle practice was about to diversify…Stay tuned…

Filed Under: Baby Namings, Judaism, Thoughts

Russia – Meet Mexico!

July 20, 2008 by Debbi Ballard 2 Comments

I just returned last night from my 4 day trip to the Riu Palace in Playa del Carmen, Mexico, where Dan and Rita were married in the most beautiful ceremony (if I do say so, myself). What an amazing group of people this was! I must admit, I was a bit unsure if I would be able to bond with the guests and families, as I usually am able to do so easily. Thursday night, Rita told me they had shut down La Bodega, the Brazilian restaurant on the premises, for her family to have dinner. As I arrived at the restaurant, not having met anyone yet, I approached a group of 50+ people, who I assumed were her guests and family. The only problem was – everyone was speaking Russian! I was a little apprehensive about who I would talk to, and how I could connect with these families whose culture seemed so different from mine.

But, almost immediately, my fears were put to rest. I naturally gravitated to Mila and Vladimir, Rita’s Aunt & Uncle. They made me feel so comfortable, and they were SO interesting to talk to. Next, Dan’s Mom and Dad came and introduced themselves to me, and again, I felt so welcomed. The group went out right after dinner, but since I was tired, I retreated to my room, intending to wake early for the next morning. Friday morning gave me an opportunity to relax, and then we met for the rehearsal of the ceremony. That was when I had the chance to meet Dan and Rita’s wedding party and immediate family, and it was beginning to feel more familiar. I was immediately taken by how friendly and attentive Rita was. She was not only breathtakingly beautiful on the outside, she is even more beautiful inside. From the first minute, she was so concerned that I was having a good time, and you could really tell it was so genuine.

Rita skipping down the aisleFriday afternoon I had been sitting in the lobby working on some emails, and found myself sitting next to Esther, Rita’s cousin. She was so lovely and lively, and we just found ourselves talking for hours. She invited me to join her for dinner with her mom and Rita’s mother, and that was when Faina became my favorite person in the group. Faina is Esther’s mom, and she is one of the most lovely people I have ever known. She became my dinner and breakfast partner, and once we became friends, the rest of the weekend was so easy, and suddenly, I found myself falling for this group of people, because they truly were some of the most special people I have met in quite a while.

I was so taken with how all of these people came from a country that gave them nothing, monetarily. Each and every one of them had an individual story, of leaving Russia, with nothing more than a few dollars in their pockets, not even knowing where they would end up. But, one after another, they found their way to America, and boy did they overcome insurmountable odds. As I was introduced to the family members, one was a doctor, and another was a doctor, and so on. Dan’s dad fixed typewriters when he came to the U.S., and he grew that into a successful office machine business. Vladimir is a successful Engineer, and even the women put themselves through school and found jobs, and they all became successful. 90 family members who came from the most modest beginnings were celebrating, drinking LOTS of Vodka, and toasting “God Bless America” – along with a few l’chayim’s and other Russian toasts I really couldn’t master, but a great time was being had by all!

We were beginning to fear the weather, though. It rained the entire day on Friday, and by Saturday morning, it didn’t look any better. But Rita’s mom prayed extra hard to Rita’s father, who had passed away many years ago, to watch over his daughter and keep the rain away, and her prayers came true. The sun came out in the afternoon, and the wedding was amazing. Even I had a hard time keeping dry eyes through the whole ceremony. And now I can say, it was one of the best weddings I have ever done. I know I say that after every one, but this one was so special, yet I can’t really elaborate why I feel that way. Perhaps it was the people. Perhaps it was Mexico. I’m not really sure, but something very magical happened when 90 Russians converged on Mexico. It was a marriage in more than 1 way, for sure.

Sunday morning, Faina and I had our last breakfast together. We sat in the sun at the beach, and got ready to say our goodbyes. I said goodbye to Rita and Dan, Yelena (Rita’s sister), Faina, Esther, and all of my other newfound Russian friends. I will never forget this experience. It made me a richer person, and certainly not because of the financial gain. I am a better person for having met this group of people. They made me remember that my problems are insignificant, compared to the challenges they have met in life. They reminded me that even though people are different, we can still put aside our differences, and find ways of communicating in loving ways, across cultures. They reminded me it is fun to learn about and meet people from other cultures, that there is a whole big world out there, aside from my own.

They opened the world up to me, and I’m so happy to have met Russia in Mexico. Dan and Rita – I wish you the best life has to offer, because you deserve it. You are an amazingly beautiful couple, and I thank you for everything you brought to my life. Make sure you let me know when the first baby is coming!

Filed Under: Featured Content, Jewish, Interfaith, LGBTQ Weddings, Judaism, Thoughts, Weddings Tagged With: Cantor, destination wedding, Jewish, Mexico, mexico weddings, Music, Rabbi, Russian, russian weddings, wedding

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Sunrise, FL 33326
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~ Officiating Jewish & Interfaith Weddings, Bar & Bat Mitzvahs, Funerals, and any other Jewish Lifecycle Services in Florida, USA – Destination Weddings in North America, Mexico, Caribbean & Worldwide ~

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6:00 pm: Ava's Bat Mitzvah, Wellington, FL

March 4, 2023 6:00 pm – 8:00 pm

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5March 5, 2023

Upcoming Events

  • 10:00 am – 11:15 am, September 19, 2020 – High Holy Days with Cantor Debbi Ballard on ZOOM
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  • 10:00 am – 11:15 am, September 28, 2020 – High Holy Days with Cantor Debbi Ballard on ZOOM
  • 6:00 pm – 8:00 pm, March 4, 2023 – Ava's Bat Mitzvah, Wellington, FL

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