My Personal Cantor

Wedding Officiant -Debbi Ballard

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Home » Lifecycle Events » Weddings » Page 11

Keeping it in the family…

July 20, 2008 by Debbi Ballard Leave a Comment

As if helping people, working with them at their happiest times in life, and traveling all over the world isn’t good enough – there’s yet one more reason why I absolutely LOVE what I do. That reason is my friend Liz’s family, for whose family I have truly become “Their Personal Cantor”. Let me tell you more….

I became invested as a Cantor in 2004, and shortly after my investiture, my friend Liz, who I worked with professionally at the time, was also single, and dating. Since I was a bit older than she was, I always had to check out who she was looking at and talking to, and give my approval to. Well, in a separate post you can read about Scott & Liz’s courtship and marriage, but – because I was so closely involved with their first meeting, they asked me to marry them, and I did! I had performed weddings before, but this one was SO special. She was my friend, and now, so was Scott.

Almost immediately, as was their plan, Scott and Liz got pregnant with Jordyn, the cutest little girl ever! (Well, except for my niece, Alexa – sorry guys…) As her pregnancy was moving further along, Liz called me and asked me to officiate her baby naming, which I would have LOVED to do, but she did it on Thanksgiving weekend that year, and I had already been hired to officiate a naming in Atlanta for a friend, so I was unable – that made us very sad, because it just wasn’t going to be the same. “Next one”, I promised…and they agreed.

Since I had worked with Liz, I got to know her mom, Debra, who is one amazing woman. I love her. She is rough and tough on the outside, and as soft as a marshmallow on the inside. Debra would give her life for her kids, and I’m sure, many times, she felt as though she did. Through my relationship with Liz, I also got to be quite friendly with Jamie, Liz’s brother, who also worked with us in the same office. (We were all in the recruiting industry at the time. They still are, but obviously, I left to follow my heart..)

Jamie’s dating adventures were frequently topics of interest in our conversations, but one day, Jamie met Camille, and the rest was history. Camille is stunning – inside and out, but I’ll talk more about her later. As I got closer with this family, I always knew Liz and Jamie had a super special relationship with their grandma, Agnes. Agnes lived an amazing life, and was so fortunate to live a long one, full of love, children, family, and good times. She died just a few months ago, and at the time she passed away, Liz called me to tell me about her grandmother, and asked me to officiate her funeral. The family couldn’t possibly want anyone else to do it, she said, and I was there. I put all of my other work aside, and immediately became immersed in this family, the brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, everyone. No different from any other family in mourning, but this was somehow MY family, and I felt their pain as if it were my own. I chanted El Malei Rachamim at the funeral, and when I sang this beautiful melody, I was transported to a different place somehow. My feet on the floor, but my heart rose above, and again, I knew, I was in the perfect place. Helping this family through a difficult time, I somehow felt that I could take some of their pain away, and I hope they would tell you that I did.

Well, we all knew at the time of Agnes’s funeral that we had happier days to look forward to together. Jamie and Camille’s wedding was scheduled for June 7th, and we were so excited! Just knowing we had that happy occasion to celebrate made everyone feel better, in joyous anticipation of the day that they would walk down the aisle, and of course – I would officiate their wedding.

Ok, so, back to Camille. Last December, I officiated a Bar Mitzvah for a mutual friend of ours on a RCCL cruise ship, and Jamie was a guest on that cruise as well. I knew he was bringing Camille, but he hadn’t yet officially proposed. I was excited to meet her, and she was everything everyone had said – and more. She was the perfect balance for Jamie – fun, beautiful, a little bit bad girl – but mostly good – and very grounded. She had a little boy named Gaige, who Jamie had really become a father figure to, and they had just bought a house together, and were getting ready to move in. I told them I wanted to do their wedding, but that was a bit off in the future, and they weren’t ready to think about that yet.

Until a few months later, when they were settled in, and then I got the call from Liz. “Jamie and Camille got officially engaged, and you need to call them”, she said. So I did. Jamie and Camille wanted a very different wedding than what Scott and Liz had, but, it was still beautiful, warm, spiritual, and most of all – it focused on what was important. The very special love between Jamie and Camille, that anyone can see when they are together. It was simple and non pretentious, but it was personal, and all about Jamie and Camille. That’s how I want my weddings. Camille called me yesterday to say they had just gotten back from the honeymoon, and to thank me for performing a beautiful wedding. There’s no greater feeling than to stand at the union of two very special people, feeling their love for each other, and everyone’s love for them as a family, and to know that I made it official. But not only did I make it official, I became even more so, this family’s “personal cantor”, friend, family member, and spiritual partner. I am so grateful to have the opportunity to be part of their lives in this way, and now, I’m looking forward to next week, when Liz gives birth to her 2nd child on June 27th. (a boy this time… Again, I won’t get to do the ceremony, but I will get to say a few prayers) Of course, Liz had to go schedule the bris on another holiday – so July 4th, when everyone is lighting fireworks, we will be welcoming a beautiful little boy into the family, together. Truly a cause for celebration…

Jamie & Camille’s wedding ceremony

Scott & Liz’s wedding ceremony

Filed Under: Debbi's Deep Thoughts and Musings, Judaism, Weddings Tagged With: friends, Interfaith, Weddings

Man makes plans, and God laughs!

July 20, 2008 by Debbi Ballard Leave a Comment

simon-and-nicole (click to read their ceremony)

So, welcome to the 2nd half of my day, yesterday, May 24th. After leaving Josh’s Bar Mitzvah, I had to make a mad dash up to Boca to return Leon’s Torah, and had just enough time to stop off and say hi to my sister, Nancy. Unfortunately, Alexa, my niece, was sleeping, so I didn’t get to snuggle with her at all. After a quick visit, I started to make my way to downtown Fort Lauderdale, where Simon and Nicole were getting married.

When I first met Simon and Nicole, they told me their wedding was planned for May 24th at 5:30. No problem, I said. Then they told me it was outside, at the New River Inn, a historic replica museum from the 1800’s, situated right on the New River. Hmmm, outside, in May, at 5:30 p.m.???? What was plan B? Well, they replied..”Inside the museum is a small room, and we can move inside if we have to, but we’re pretty confident it will all be ok”….Yes, and now I reflect…the best laid plans….

So, in the drive from Boca to Ft. Lauderdale, it poured the entire way. I mean, POURED. Like, torrential, hurricane, darkness, ominous, thunder, lightning, yucky, stay in bed all day – RAIN. I was worried. As I arrived, 30 minutes before the wedding was scheduled to begin, I saw they had just finished moving everything – from outside to inside. Yes – inside that “little room”, in the little 1800’s museum – with no air conditioning, on a humid 100 degree day. I felt so bad for Nicole..She had so wanted that outside wedding. She and Simon had met more than a year ago on the water taxi. Nicole was on vacation in Florida, and Simon was working the taxi that night. After a long term – long distance relationship, she moved to Florida, and the rest was history. Wanting to replicate that beshert meeting location, they decided on a quaint, charming wedding, at the New River Inn.

So, just as soon as they moved everything inside, the rain stopped. Now Simon was really angry. He wanted his wedding outside, and it was his day, so guess what – we moved all the chairs, the chuppa, the table, the sound system – everything – BACK OUTSIDE. Everything was going to be wonderful…or so we thought…

We began the processional. We came around the building, walked onto the grass, where the chuppa and chairs stood, and I began the ceremony. As fast as you can say the words lightning storm, in the middle of “The Seven Blessings”, along came the rains again, in an instant, and there we were – all getting soaking wet. So – everyone made a mad dash for the inside of the building – AGAIN. Now here we were, all soaked, and gathered (standing) in the little room, with no chairs, and no air conditioning. Poor Simon. Poor Nicole. Soaked.

So, I picked up where we left off, but only after reminding them, and all of their guests about a very important life lesson. We make plans- sometimes, elaborate plans. Sometimes, plans our hearts are counting on. Sometimes, we work so hard on them, that we really choose not to look objectively at the various possible outcomes, because we want what we want, so we plan them. And then, God laughs.

I told Simon and Nicole that it was perfectly fitting, and perhaps this was a lesson they could learn and take with them all through their lives together. Life is all about making plans, and then having everything shift, and change. We make our plans, we plot out our lives, and the turns and twists in the road come rushing up to meet us, just when we least expect them. As Simon stood before me – teeming because he was sweating to death and quite upset at the obstacle they had endured, I encouraged them to laugh – because – what was really important? Here they were, with their family and friends, making the ultimate commitment to each other, celebrating the day they would begin spending the rest of their lives together. It wasn’t important that they were hot and wet. That would pass. Nobody melted. And while the pictures may not come out as planned – it’s important to remember what is important – and not to sweat the small stuff.

Life brings twists and turns – we cannot avoid them. What matters is how we handle them. It matters that we count our blessings every day, especially when we feel most un-blessed. It’s important to lean on the people standing next to us, who love us, and to be strong for them to lean on in return. Nicole was amazing – she kept smiling, because she knew – today was the day she was marrying her best friend, and she never lost her sense of humor. Keep smiling, Nicole. You are beautiful, and unfortunately, you will find days that ruin your plans many more times in your life – but I know you will keep laughing every time – That’s just the way you are. Thanks for allowing me to share your amazing day – rain and all.

Filed Under: Debbi's Deep Thoughts and Musings, Weddings

Russia – Meet Mexico!

July 20, 2008 by Debbi Ballard 2 Comments

I just returned last night from my 4 day trip to the Riu Palace in Playa del Carmen, Mexico, where Dan and Rita were married in the most beautiful ceremony (if I do say so, myself). What an amazing group of people this was! I must admit, I was a bit unsure if I would be able to bond with the guests and families, as I usually am able to do so easily. Thursday night, Rita told me they had shut down La Bodega, the Brazilian restaurant on the premises, for her family to have dinner. As I arrived at the restaurant, not having met anyone yet, I approached a group of 50+ people, who I assumed were her guests and family. The only problem was – everyone was speaking Russian! I was a little apprehensive about who I would talk to, and how I could connect with these families whose culture seemed so different from mine.

But, almost immediately, my fears were put to rest. I naturally gravitated to Mila and Vladimir, Rita’s Aunt & Uncle. They made me feel so comfortable, and they were SO interesting to talk to. Next, Dan’s Mom and Dad came and introduced themselves to me, and again, I felt so welcomed. The group went out right after dinner, but since I was tired, I retreated to my room, intending to wake early for the next morning. Friday morning gave me an opportunity to relax, and then we met for the rehearsal of the ceremony. That was when I had the chance to meet Dan and Rita’s wedding party and immediate family, and it was beginning to feel more familiar. I was immediately taken by how friendly and attentive Rita was. She was not only breathtakingly beautiful on the outside, she is even more beautiful inside. From the first minute, she was so concerned that I was having a good time, and you could really tell it was so genuine.

Rita skipping down the aisleFriday afternoon I had been sitting in the lobby working on some emails, and found myself sitting next to Esther, Rita’s cousin. She was so lovely and lively, and we just found ourselves talking for hours. She invited me to join her for dinner with her mom and Rita’s mother, and that was when Faina became my favorite person in the group. Faina is Esther’s mom, and she is one of the most lovely people I have ever known. She became my dinner and breakfast partner, and once we became friends, the rest of the weekend was so easy, and suddenly, I found myself falling for this group of people, because they truly were some of the most special people I have met in quite a while.

I was so taken with how all of these people came from a country that gave them nothing, monetarily. Each and every one of them had an individual story, of leaving Russia, with nothing more than a few dollars in their pockets, not even knowing where they would end up. But, one after another, they found their way to America, and boy did they overcome insurmountable odds. As I was introduced to the family members, one was a doctor, and another was a doctor, and so on. Dan’s dad fixed typewriters when he came to the U.S., and he grew that into a successful office machine business. Vladimir is a successful Engineer, and even the women put themselves through school and found jobs, and they all became successful. 90 family members who came from the most modest beginnings were celebrating, drinking LOTS of Vodka, and toasting “God Bless America” – along with a few l’chayim’s and other Russian toasts I really couldn’t master, but a great time was being had by all!

We were beginning to fear the weather, though. It rained the entire day on Friday, and by Saturday morning, it didn’t look any better. But Rita’s mom prayed extra hard to Rita’s father, who had passed away many years ago, to watch over his daughter and keep the rain away, and her prayers came true. The sun came out in the afternoon, and the wedding was amazing. Even I had a hard time keeping dry eyes through the whole ceremony. And now I can say, it was one of the best weddings I have ever done. I know I say that after every one, but this one was so special, yet I can’t really elaborate why I feel that way. Perhaps it was the people. Perhaps it was Mexico. I’m not really sure, but something very magical happened when 90 Russians converged on Mexico. It was a marriage in more than 1 way, for sure.

Sunday morning, Faina and I had our last breakfast together. We sat in the sun at the beach, and got ready to say our goodbyes. I said goodbye to Rita and Dan, Yelena (Rita’s sister), Faina, Esther, and all of my other newfound Russian friends. I will never forget this experience. It made me a richer person, and certainly not because of the financial gain. I am a better person for having met this group of people. They made me remember that my problems are insignificant, compared to the challenges they have met in life. They reminded me that even though people are different, we can still put aside our differences, and find ways of communicating in loving ways, across cultures. They reminded me it is fun to learn about and meet people from other cultures, that there is a whole big world out there, aside from my own.

They opened the world up to me, and I’m so happy to have met Russia in Mexico. Dan and Rita – I wish you the best life has to offer, because you deserve it. You are an amazingly beautiful couple, and I thank you for everything you brought to my life. Make sure you let me know when the first baby is coming!

Filed Under: Featured Content, Jewish, Interfaith, LGBTQ Weddings, Judaism, Thoughts, Weddings Tagged With: Cantor, destination wedding, Jewish, Mexico, mexico weddings, Music, Rabbi, Russian, russian weddings, wedding

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Register for services here.

We look forward to sharing our services with you!

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Join Cantor Debbi Ballard and Rabbi Steve as they bring their AWESOME and AMAZING High Holy Day services online to their community via ZOOM on Sunday, September 19th, 2020 at 10:00 am.

Now, friends and families of Cantor Debbi, regardless of location, can join in to her musical, warm and uplifting services.  Shema Koleinu serves families who do not belong to a traditional house of worship and we are a welcoming and inclusive community, supportive of anyone who wishes to connect Jewishly on their own terms.

Register for services here.

We look forward to sharing our services with you!

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