My Personal Cantor

Wedding Officiant -Debbi Ballard

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Home » Lifecycle Events » Weddings » Page 9

See ya soon!

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I feel like I just got back from the Sykes/Krew wedding in the Bahamas, and now it’s time to depart again…this time for ARUBA!  I’m heading off to the brand new, beautiful RIU Palace in Aruba, where I will officiate the Jewish wedding of Evelina & Felix.  This is a 7-month-later flashback to “Russia-Meet Mexico”, except, this time Russia is heading to Aruba.  Evelina was referred to me by Rita and Dan, and there’s a connection there – which I’ll tell more about when I get back.

In the meantime, I’m waiting for Michael to settle in from the trip, and send me his pictures, since I left my camera card in my laptop last weekend.  As soon as I get them, I will post pictures, and a review of the Sheraton Cable Beach, and then I will post about my 4 days in Aruba.

Stay dry, Florida!

Splurge! A great article I wanted to share, from about.com

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This is a great article that I found on about.com, that I wanted to share. I especially appreciated Nina’s commentary on how important the officiant is. Many people forget about the officiant, but it really is what makes or breaks the wedding. Set yourself apart with a personal choice of an officiant, it’s sure to pay off in positive rewards!

What’s Worth It (And What’s Not!) – Splurge and Save Smartly on Your Wedding

By Nina Callaway, About.com

So many articles tell you how to save money on your wedding, but do you know where to splurge on your wedding? Here’s what’s really worth the cost, and how to be savvy even while you’re splurging.

  1. Wedding Photography

    Sad as it is to acknowledge, most of the wedding details that you worked so hard on will be mere memories the next day. The food will be eaten, the dress put away, the monogrammed napkins crumpled. But the photographs will be there to remind you of the memories and document your wedding day. So make sure that they’re top notch by splurging to get the best photographer that you can.

    Be Smart Take the time to shop around and find a photographer who you feel comfortable with, and who fits in your budget. Consider packages, which often give you a better bang for your buck. Be sure to ask to swap out things you don’t want, and be savvy about expensive extras like “Deluxe Wedding Albums.” Make sure that you get a set of pictures printed by the photographer – the finishing work (editing, cropping, printing) should be far better than what you could do yourself. But see if you can get a CD of the images so that you can cheaply print out extras for extended family members and friends who want a picture.

  2. Your Wedding Dress and Appearance

    If you’ve ever had a day where you just didn’t feel pretty (and really who hasn’t?), you probably didn’t have a very good time. Feeling confident and beautiful will not only help you enjoy the wedding, but it will help you shine in your wedding photographs as well. So don’t just buy the cheapest wedding dress you can find, but splurge a bit to get the wedding dress, tuxedo, makeup or accessories that will really make you feel great.

    Be Smart The right dress for you is not necessarily the most expensive. Shop sales, outlet malls, and discount stores, including national chain bridal shops. Consider buying a bridesmaid’s dress or an evening gown in white or champagne. And don’t forget used! You can get a designer dress for a fraction of the price from eBay or bridal consignment shops.

  3. The Right Wedding Officiant

    As far as I’m concerned, it’s all about the wedding ceremony. The reception is just gravy – a big party celebrating what happened during the wedding ceremony! So make sure that the person marrying you is someone you feel comfortable with and who shares your beliefs. So, if you need to fly in your childhood priest or rabbi, or simply take the time to find the right person locally, it will be worth it.

    Be Smart Found a beautiful wedding ceremony location, but don’t like the officiant? Find out if you can bring in your own minister or layperson. Don’t know where to begin? Here’s a guide to finding the right officiant to marry you.

  4. Your Sanity

    Planning a wedding is stressful! The pressures on a bride and/or groom to have the most perfect wedding are immense. So make sure you’ve budgeted some money for things that will help you relax. Whether that’s hiring a wedding coordinator, or a day at the spa with a friend, being relaxed will make a huge difference in how much you enjoy your wedding day.

    Be Smart Relaxing doesn’t have to be expensive! There are even free and easy ways to relax. And don’t forget to delegate. Your friends and family want to help – you don’t have to do everything yourself!

  5. What’s Most Important to You

    Whether you’re a gourmet who wants to make sure the food is top notch, or a sports nut who’s dying to have a special grooms cake, it’s worth it to spend money on those little details that make your wedding special to you. In my wedding planning questionnaire for the newly engaged, I ask couples to individually rate what’s most important. This information can then be used when you set your budget, allowing you to allocate a little extra cushion for those important things.

    Be Smart Be sure to use a wedding budget worksheet, and remember that you’ll have to cut the budget in other areas in order to accommodate the splurges. Remember that there are many ways of including special personal details that are free or inexpensive, including special wedding readings at the ceremony, naming your tables after places you’ve been together, or using family heirlooms such as your mother’s wedding veil.

What a Wacky, Wonderful Wedding! WOW!

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A couple of months ago, Shirley Fuchs sent me an email, asking me if I could officiate a small, private wedding ceremony on Hollywood Beach, for her daughter, Dana, and her Fiancee, Shawn. “No Problem!”, I said! Well…she went on to tell me that there were just a few details that I might have a difficult time with, as Dana and Shawn were just a little bit – kooky. (In a beautiful way, for sure!)

“Kooky?”, I asked? “Yes, Kooky”, she replied. I wondered if this meant something “off color”, or something that would not quite go along with the fact that I am a member of the clergy, but she assured me it was completely clean, and quite adorable. You see, they have a 3 year old daughter, Destiny, and they wanted a cartoon character to perform their wedding – and they wanted their officiant to “dress up” in a costume they would provide. MMHMM, I said. And just what character would they like to have their officiant dress up as?

DORA, THE EXPLORER, her mother said.

MMHMM, I said – again. We’re talking August, on the beach in Florida, and you want me to dress up as DORA? Right. She told me they were looking for someone open minded, fun, easy going, and very much a team player. Well, that’s me. But DORA?

What the heck, I figured. You only live once, and like Wayne tells me all the time – I have to cut loose, have some fun, and take a walk on the lighter side of life. So – we agreed. They provided the costume, and I would take a hit for the team! Boy, did I ever. But – I got so much more than I bargained for. Once again, Dana and Shawn were the sweetest couple, and I fell in love with them. They had 21 guests on the beach, and dinner at the Marriott on Hollywood Beach, and there was me – in my Dora costume.

Even though this was a small, private wedding, I still felt I needed to spend the time getting to know them. So, we spoke several times by phone, before they arrived in FL, and we met the morning before the wedding. In that hour, I found out some great information that ended up providing tons of humor for their wedding ceremony. I knew I was going to need to get creative – but this really should have won an academy award!

You’ll have to read their ceremony. I really think I did a great job, if I do say so, myself. We had tons of laughs, I found a new “niche” for my wedding practice, and Dana and Shawn had the wedding of their dreams. I am definitely going to put a video of this wedding up as soon as I can figure out how, but for now – just check out the ceremony. It is sure to provide a few laughs! Dana & Shawn – I can’t tell you how much I LOVED being part of your day! More couples should be as light hearted and fun loving as you! Thanks!

My first published Ezine article!

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Great News! My article on planning an Interfaith wedding was published today on Ezine!

http://ezinearticles.com/?Making-an-Interfaith-Wedding-a-Family-Affair

You might be thinking that planning your Jewish/Interfaith wedding will be all about the conflict – but you can create a ceremony that everyone will love. By focusing on the relationship, and choosing traditions and readings to honor both sides, your family and guests will love what you create.

Many of my clients begin their Interfaith wedding plans with strong feelings of fear and trepidation. They often fear their family members will not approve, and they are overwhelmed with fear of offending a single guest by their ceremony choices. But today’s Interfaith weddings can be crafted so that everyone not only feels comfortable, but honored, by your commitment to be fair and inclusive to both parties’ faith and heritage.

When a couple comes to me, most often, one of them is Jewish. They are afraid that if they include Jewish traditions, they will offend the non Jewish partner’s family. Likewise, a mention of Jesus could be just enough to send that Yiddeshe bubbe flying for the nearest exit! You CAN create balance, but in order to do so, it requires a lot of open communication and a little strategy.

The first thing I recommend is keep everything as close to neutral as you can. Keep the foreign language to a minimum, and try not to “name” your spiritual reference. If you can agree that you both believe in G-d, then that will suffice when invoking a spiritual presence.

There are a few major components of a Jewish wedding that most people want to include. The chuppa, the ketubah, the wine, and breaking the glass, are all traditional rituals that are meaningful. Incorporate these into your ceremony, and ask your officiant to go into detail to explain what those rituals are, and why we include them. The more you explain, the less alienated your non-Jewish guests will feel, and everyone will appreciate the time you took to make them feel comfortable.

For every ritual or tradition from the Jewish faith you choose – choose another from your other faith. A song, or a reading that invokes spiritual presence provides a beautiful balance. Incorporate a unification ceremony, such as a sand ceremony or unity candle. Readings such as the Apache Wedding Poem, or readings from Kalil Gibran also invoke spirituality, without isolating.

Choose an officiant who is highly experienced in crafting wedding ceremonies that reflect your backgrounds. Ask to see samples of ceremonies that the officiant has written, to see exactly how he or she blended the rituals of past clients, and imagine yourself sitting in the room listening to the wedding you are reading. Was it fair? Did it honor both sides? Did you feel embraced and included, rather than out of place? Most people don’t mind hearing something new – if you deliver it in just the right way.

I have found that the more I explain in a service, the more appreciative the non-Jewish guests are, and even the Jewish guests often learn something they didn’t know. Your parents will appreciate that you took the time to balance each side, and so will your guests. In the end, you will have a ceremony that focuses on your love, not your differences. Focus on the aspects that bring you together, and your guests will feel honored that they were asked to be a part of that. Stay true to who each of you are, and recognize that it is also your differences, as well as your similarities that make each one interesting to the other. When both are honored, conflict cannot exist.

Your wedding then becomes a celebration of your individuality, and the commitment you are making to come together as one. With tolerance, understanding, patience and communication, your Jewish/Interfaith wedding ceremony will be absolutely beautiful.

Kristin and Wendy – A Same Sex Commitment Ceremony

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palm trees and sunset, Kristin and Wendy - A Same Sex Commitment Ceremony

This morning, on Fort Lauderdale Beach, I had the pleasure of joining Kristin & Wendy together in their commitment to becoming life long partners.

Kristin & Wendy are beautiful women. I had just put a new advertisement out, and Kristin responded the following day. She and Wendy lived in Kentucky, and they were raising Wendy’s son, Cody, and they were coming to Fort Lauderdale for a week. They wanted someone who was spiritual, but not into all the fru-fru stuff, and they found me. Since they didn’t live in Florida, they really needed someone they could count on to make some other arrangements, as well – namely, line up a photographer, and some flowers.

So, the first phone call I made was to my friend, Desiree Wilcox, who, even though she was 8 months pregnant, immediately agreed to photograph the ceremony at 7:30 in the morning! Then, I wanted to buy the flowers from a gay-owned business, so I called Bobby at Petals Panache in Wilton Manors. Bobby did such a great job with the flowers, arranged to open the shop on Sunday so I could pick them up, and his willingness to go above and beyond for a relatively small order was so appreciated. And, the flowers were beautiful! He put just the right touch to the flowers, elegant, but not “wedding-y”. Thanks, Bobby!

wedding flower bouquet, Kristin and Wendy - A Same Sex Commitment Ceremony

So, we all met on the beach, and found the perfect spot. Right there, near Las Olas, was a little carve out, with a few trees surrounding us, and just enough room for us to stand inside. The sun was still coming up over the ocean, there was a beautiful breeze, and it was perfect. We included a sand ceremony, which came out beautifully. Kristin didn’t want rainbow colors, so I chose a cranberry and lime green color sand, then gave Cody a cup of sand from Ft. Lauderdale beach. The 3 of them combined their sand together to make a beautiful sand sculpture in a glass jar, and I hope they get it home the same way it looked when we were finished!

two women getting married, Kristin and Wendy - A Same Sex Commitment Ceremony

Afterwards, Desiree burned them a CD right on the spot, so they could take the pictures of their ceremony with them right away. It was a beautiful ceremony, and I am so honored to have been part of it. I’m so happy to be able to officiate a ceremony like this. To me, it doesn’t matter who you are, man or woman. When you love someone, you love them. You want to honor that love in a respectful, beautiful way, and i believe that everyone should have someone who truly cares about them officiate their ceremony.

I hope it was a memorable experience for them. Kristin & Wendy, you are both very special, and I thank you for including me in your special day!

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