It is the eve of Max’s Bar Mitzvah. I am back in the hotel, after spending the last few hours reading and preparing for tonight, and reflecting on the last 24 hours. My heart is pounding for some reason, today, like that feeling you get when the police car turns his lights on behind you. I’m not sure why. Sometimes this happens, when there is so much inside of me, and things going on that I just can’t see clearly yet, and hours of meditation and thought have to occur to see what this message is. I consider it a message, I just don’t know what it’s saying, yet. I’m overwhelmed by my relationship to Audrey, Rob, and Max, and perhaps it is just a sign that a shift is taking place in my world, and that tonight is going to be one of the most moving experiences of my life.
I sat with Max for a couple of hours today. He practiced his blessings, we read through his D’Var Torah, and his prayer of gratitude. Wait till I publish this prayer. I sobbed at his kitchen table, and I promise you – these are his own words. The child is amazing. We played guitar in his Mom’s office, and shared more philosophy at his kitchen table. I walked 2.5 miles to his house from the hotel, and another 2.5 back – in 30 degree weather, and it was the best 5 mile walk I’ve ever had.
Sure, I love the beach, and certainly don’t know if I could trade my daily walks at the ocean for the walk I experienced today, but, today was special, nonetheless. I love being here in New Jersey, in the north, in the cold, and among friends I’ve only known for 24 hours but feel I have known forever.
Last night, Audrey (Max’s Mom) had her family over for dinner, and Sharon, Hal, Hannah and Bess were there. Sharon is my soul-sista, and I couldn’t wait to see her. It was SO much fun, and I just don’t want this time to end. Tonight, Hannah and Bess are chanting the V’Ahavta, while Max reads the prayer in English. It will be beautiful.
Tomorrow, I set out on my journey to see my brides – past and future, and hopefully somewhere along the line, I will get a chance to meet Rabbi Andrea, my friend, in person. (some technical difficulties this morning prohibited that, but I’m sure going to try to catch up!) Andrea was responsible for connecting me to Yelena, who connected me to Sharon, who connected me to Audrey, and on and on we go…I know I’ve said all this before, but it’s all so divine, it’s worth repeating.
Thank You, G-d, for this blessing to officiate his Bar Mitzvah. I am, once again, the luckiest girl on earth.