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Wedding Officiant -Debbi Ballard

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Home » Bar Mitzvah

What’s New at the Zoo? Eli’s Bar Mitzvah!!

December 4, 2017 by Debbi Ballard Leave a Comment

I love working with young people.  Helping to prepare them for their Bar Mitzvah or Bat Mitzvah service is one of my greatest joys.  The opportunity to share what I know and teach not only the history of our religion, but also how this history affects them and their families, is special.  Every once in a while I work with someone whose story is so unique that even I am surprised.

Eli and Cantor Debbi Ballard posing by the cutout at Eli's Bar Mitzvah celebration at the Palm Beach Zoo in West Palm Beach, Florida
Eli and I posing by the cutout of him as a young child — so much fun!

With that as a backdrop, meet Eli.

The Importance of History

Eli’s family history is incredibly interesting.  First, his father Alex is Jewish and from Russia – but he never became a Bar Mitzvah.  Alex’s father, Eli’s grandfather, also never became a Bar Mitzvah.  Seems strange, right?  Well, consider this:  Eli’s great grandfather grew up in Russia; he had to worship secretly.  Because of this, their religion was not openly shared, simply quietly respected.

Eli’s mother is Pam, and she is not Jewish.  In fact, before   she met Alex she had never even met a Jewish person.  Pam, however, was completely supportive of Eli becoming a Bar Mitzvah.  She respected her husband’s heritage and recognized the significance of this day for their entire family; Eli would be the first person in three generations to become a Bar Mitzvah.

The Bar Mitzvah Ceremony

As a Cantor serving the Interfaith and unaffiliated Jewish community in South Florida, I have officiated countless Bar Mitzvah and Bat Mitzvah ceremonies uniting and including people of all faiths.  That said, I do not ever remember developing a ceremony quite like this.  Nobody in Eli’s “congregation” at the Bar Mitzvah knew any Hebrew; not even the most common of prayers.  It was something I had never experienced.  Even when working with interfaith families there are usually a few people familiar with the service in attendance.

While familiarity with the ceremony may not have been present; something so much more important was:  a level of interest, respect and love that was so strong it was almost tangible.  Eli’s family, who were unfamiliar with this process, were so supportive.  And so the service began….

It was in English, almost all in English, and different than any other service, Eli and I together shared the story of his journey and what becoming a Bar Mitzvah entailed and meant.  It was a celebration of all that Eli had learned and a life lesson to those who were there to share this special day.  I could have incorporated more Hebrew and held a more traditional service; but really, to what end?

The opportunity to share our heritage in a manner that everyone could understand and appreciate was an important one to seize.  A traditional service incorporating a significant amount of Hebrew was expected; but would it be appropriate? Would it be valuable?  Wasn’t it more important for Eli to be able to share all he learned, his religion and traditions, in a manner that could be understood and appreciated by those closest to him?  It was,  and he did.

The Celebration of Eli’s Bar Mitzvah at the Palm Beach Zoo in West Palm Beach

While the Bar Mitzvah service may have been unique; the celebration was even more so.  Uncommon, incredibly special and so much fun!  The entire Bar Mitzvah (service and celebration) was held at, now get this, The Palm Beach Zoo, in West Palm Beach, Florida. (http://www.palmbeachzoo.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=events.main).

Palm Beach zoo logo, Eli's Bar Mitzvah celebration with Cantor Debbi BallardFifty  family members  and friends gathered in a private room for the service; and once it was complete there was the most creative celebration:  a zoo scavenger hunt.

In groups, guests traveled through the zoo and collected/identified everything on their scavenger hunt list.  How much fun is that?  Once they completed this challenging and fun task, everyone gathered for a lovely luncheon; featuring the most beautiful Bar Mitzvah cake I have ever seen.  (check out the picture).

Jewish cake with lettering Mazel Tov Eli at Eli's Bar Mitzvah celebration at the Palm Beach Zoo in West Palm Beach, Florida
Beautiful and delicious!

Pam has a friend,  a very talented pastry artist (as a hobby), and she agreed to create Eli’s cake.  It was a masterpiece complete with a replica of his talis and kippah.  It was so personal, so beautiful,  and obviously made with love.

Every chance I have to work with a young person and ultimately officiate at their Bar or Bat Mitzvah  is a lesson for me.  I always learn  something new.  This time, I learned that a service that to an outsider may have seemed “less Jewish” was actually more. After all, there is no greater mitzvah than sharing and teaching your beliefs with others in a manner that is comfortable easy to understand. Eli learned so much throughout our time together, but truly I think he (and I) learned the most that morning.  It was a day I will always remember and an experience I will treasure for a lifetime.  I am so grateful to have this family in my life.  This experience had a profound effect on me and I know it will influence my work in the future.

Want to create your own Bar Mitzvah “dream come true”?  Contact Cantor Debbi today to see how you can co-create the event of your dreams. I would love to learn about your family and share how I can work with you.

Filed Under: Bar/Bat Mitzvah Adventures Tagged With: Bar Mitzvah, ceremony, Interfaith, Jewish ceremony, south florida

The greatest gift … Ben’s Bar Mitzvah in South Florida

November 12, 2014 by Debbi Ballard Leave a Comment

When it comes to families who enroll in my Jewish community program, I’m pretty blessed.  It seems that as with the Law of Attraction, what we put out into the universe, we also attract.  Throughout my 10 year cantor career journey,  I’ve encountered Jewish families who I simply adore – who approach the Bar Mitzvah or Bat Mitzvah process because they want it to mean something.  Our values align, a friendship forms, and the relationship blossoms and grows into a beautiful flower.

This weekend, I harvested the beautiful blooms of a five year friendship.  A relationship that started with one child in Hebrew School, and grew into two Bar Mitzvahs, a funeral, a wedding and a baby naming, aside from many holiday and celebration meals.  Mara, the Mom, is a magnificent person – inside and out.  She exudes grace and kindness.  She is fierce about doing the best she can for her husband and family, and everything she does is with love – and is driven by a passion for quality. And that’s the way I approach my business.  I try to go above and beyond for my Jewish families, knowing that when you put a good, quality product out there, people want to buy it- and share it.  And wow, did Mara share!

Today, I can honestly say that a large number of the Jewish families in my Jewish community program can be traced back to a connection to Mara.  Ronnie, her husband, is the quintessential businessman, whose values and ethics I not only respect, but try to model in everything I do.  And so after 5 years of growing and celebrating together, this past weekend was the second (and last) Bar Mitzvah I will perform for this side of the Selinger family.

The weekend was so beautiful.  Beginning with a Friday night Shabbat dinner in their home, Mara and Ronnie make sure I am there next to them to lead the candle blessing, Hamotzi and Kiddush.  Along with their very best friends and family, they also make sure that I blocked the entire weekend to celebrate with them – all the way through Sunday brunch.  No, I don’t get to do this very often, but when you establish a relationship like I have with this family -it really makes you want to celebrate those moments with such special people.

A very special Shabbat dinner with a very special family before Ben's Bar Mitzvah in South Florida
A very special Shabbat dinner before Ben’s Bar Mitzvah in South Florida.

I’m filled with love and sweet memories of a time I will always cherish.  I thank Mara and Ronnie for all of their love and support, and look forward, cheerfully, to the days Ben and Coby walk down an aisle – so I can be there again in celebration!  Love you, Selinger family!

Want to create your own Bar Mitzvah “dream come true”?  Contact Cantor Debbi today to see how you can co-create the event of your dreams.

Filed Under: Bar/Bat Mitzvah Adventures, Featured Content Tagged With: Bar Mitzvah

Unaffiliated Lifecycles? One Cantor’s view…

November 24, 2010 by Debbi Ballard 1 Comment

I just came across a well-written post by a Reform Rabbi in Washington, DC, in response to the recent NYT article that seems to be hitting a lot of nerves around the world.  While I recognize that some of my colleagues provide this as a fast track, meaningless way to substantiate a monstrous party – not all of us do, and so here is my side of the story!

(Article)

Bar Mitzvah Training: It’s not just a job….

The New York Times story about on-line bar mitzvah preparation caught lots of attention (at least for a few minutes).  You should read it if you have not.  It offers a window into some basic problems we face in the American Jewish community today.  First, what do synagogues matter anymore?  It is possible to do everything Jewish without a synagogue.  We often say that the community you find in a synagogue is vital to your Jewish life and not available anywhere else.  Whether or not that’s true, the parents featured in the article don’t seem to care.  And yet, they DO want bar mitzvah ceremonies for their kids.  Or do they?  The other important issue in the article is about the meaning of bar/bat mitzvah?  The final line of the article says it all: “Once Joanne Kapsack had found a rabbi for Eli to work with, she pretty much bowed out of the preparations, she said. “I just cared about the party.”  I am sure this happens equally often in our temple (and others).  I must admit that I have never been a bar mitzvah party naysayer.  I’ve either stayed out of it and treated it as something outside my scope or I have embraced the idea of the parties as part of the mitzvah and part of the community gathering that can occur.  But, nothing has disappointed me more than hearing the post-event assessment from two recent bat mitzvah mothers: it was a let-down.  They whole experience, when it was all said and done, was a let down for these mothers.  What else could it be after all the hype, the buildup, the money and time spent on it?  I have no problem adopting new technology – though I don’t really want an office that looks like the trading floor of a brokerage house.  I have no problem with adopting different standards than previous generations simply accepted in order to become temple members. I also have no problem with completely revolutionizing the way we do Jewish education in general.  But I do have problems with the ongoing march toward deification of bar and bat mitzvah.  Within this trend is not so much innovation as desperation.  We will do anything, it seems, to make our kids and ourselves feel good while we and they wallow in ambivalence about our Judaism.Dear

(My reply)

Rabbi Roos,

I just came across your comment and wanted to share another aspect of this situation that many seem to forget, or are not aware of.

It saddens me, too, to see the rite of passage as nothing but an excuse to show off one’s financial stature. I’m not a nay-sayer either, but whole-heartedly believe that the community celebration should be one of meaning, with the closest of friends and family surrounding the child, and showing love and support.

I am one of those Officiants, who provide unaffiliated lifecycles to my families, however, not for the purpose of fast tracking, eliminating, or for any other motive. These are families who got lost in the synagogue shuffle, and felt that synagogues were busy expecting congregants to meet their own financial needs, rather than vice versa.

In my town of Weston, FL, the Reform synagogue was bursting at its seams 5 years ago. With 700 families, they had one Rabbi with a lifetime contract since day 1, and a Cantorial soloist (not even a Cantor).

B’Nai Mitzvah services were doubled, to two a day, on Saturday morning ONLY, with 2 students in each service.

Many families wanted Havdalah services. Many families wanted smaller, private services to be held in the chapel, without the big pomp and circumstance and showiness of keeping up with those Jones’s. Many wanted their Rabbi (or officiant) to actually know their child’s name, but couldn’t commit to 3-5 days a week at the synagogue because of other commitments and demands on their childrens’ and families’ lives.

So – because the local synagogue couldn’t (or wouldn’t) meet those families’ needs – and because they truly wanted a meaningful, intimate connection to Judaism, and an opportunity to make their Judaism more personal and meaningful, and relevant, they found me.

I am a deeply traditional, spiritual Jew, with a profound belief, and relationship with G-d. I actually teach my students how to pray – how to understand G-d, and make G-d meaningful and relevant. I actually engage my students in learning, and experiencing Judaism, by cooking in their homes at holidays, teaching them how to teach their parents (many who are in Interfaith marriages) and how to initiate a worship-style dialogue at their Friday night Shabbat dinner table.

Please know that not all of us have offices that look like Wall Street. Mine is covered with photos of families I have worked with, pictures of places that my incredible job has taken me to, and is an environment that helps me remember that I am here to serve people, and not the other way around.

Perhaps if synagogues began acting the same way- more families would walk in the doors, rather than out.

With the most profound respect for your thoughts,

Cantor Debbi Ballard

 

Want to create your own Bar Mitzvah “dream come true”?  Contact Cantor Debbi todayto see how you can co-create the event of your dreams.

Filed Under: Judaism, Thoughts Tagged With: Bar Mitzvah, Bat Mitzvah, Celebrations, Jewish, Lifecycles, Religion, unaffiliated, worship

My Chicago weekend – Matthew’s day is here!

November 14, 2009 by Debbi Ballard 1 Comment

I’m so excited for this morning, and for being in Chicago this weekend.  I’ve had sooo much fun since I got off the plane yesterday!

As soon as I arrived for Matthew’s Bar Mitzvah in Chicago, we went to Mike and Sharon’s house, and Matthew and I prepared the Torah and practiced our singing together.  I love that Matthew is a performing pro, so there is NO tension about him getting up in front of 200 people today and chanting Torah!  Before we left for the hotel, Mike and Sharon treated me to the perfect Chicago lunch at Stadium Dogs, and we had the BEST Chicago hot dogs EVER!  (Well, they’re the only ones I’ve ever had – in Chicago, so who am I to boast?)

Just arrived in Chicago - Time for a Hot Dog!
Just arrived in Chicago – Time for a Hot Dog!

Last night, Sharon’s dad had all the family (lots of them) over to their magnificent home for dinner.  It was such a wonderful evening.  Matthew and I sang lots of Shabbat songs, and all the kids helped lead the Shabbat blessings.  There are 4 children under 1 year old, so it was an amazing evening!  Elana, Jacey’s daughter, covered her eyes during the lighting of the candles, and is only SO excited that her Aunt Leiba brought her a Havdalah set and we are going to have Havdalah tonight – after a swim in the water park.

Singing Shabbat Songs on Friday night
Singing Shabbat Songs on Friday night
Indoor Water Park at Key Lime Cove, the Bar Mitzvah location
Indoor Water Park at Key Lime Cove, the Bar Mitzvah location

Yes, life is colorful, and full adventure.  But this weekend, it is also full of love.  I’m so happy to be here.

Go Matthew!  Bring it on!

Want to create your own Bar Mitzvah “dream come true”?  Contact Cantor Debbi today to see how you can co-create the event of your dreams.

B’Shalom!

signaturedebbiblack

Filed Under: Bar/Bat Mitzvah Adventures, Jewish, Interfaith, LGBTQ Weddings Tagged With: Bar Mitzvah, Chicago, Family

Where Did Summer Go??

August 27, 2009 by Debbi Ballard 3 Comments

My biggest challenge this year has been to maintain any consistency in my writing.  I seem to get really inspired to write, and post a ton of blogs at one time, and then I get so busy, that every time I go to write, I am wiped out clean of any inspiration to be creative, or even to express my thoughts and experiences in words.  Crazy.  So here I am, ready to go again, and realize it’s once again been months since I’ve posted a blog.  Even crazier, that I love my blogging, that it has become the hardest thing to do, but sometimes, there’s just not enough minutes in the day.

So, I’m about to begin another Jewish year.  Not only do I know I have tons of work to do in getting ready for HH ’09, but, I have lots of work to do looking back.  I couldn’t begin looking forward until I spent some time catching up on where I’ve been over the last few months.

Last I wrote, I had just gotten back from St. John, where I performed the wedding for Jen & Ilan, and their 2 little girls.  It was so amazing!  Then, I was in San Juan for Meredith & Vincent’s wedding – that I still need to blog about.  It was at the Fort, and it was a beautiful day!  Right after the wedding, I was rushed back to the airport, to perform Susi & Joe’s wedding in Key Biscayne the next morning, so needless to say – it took a while to recover!

Wedding at the Fort in San Juan

Of course, there was Reid’s Bar Mitzvah, the following week, which was such a great experience.  Kudos to Richard & Jayne,  who defied social tradition, and had a lovely,  small, private, intimate service right in their home.  Reid did a great job, and I was so proud of him!

THEN – the highlight of my month – I took off to the NC Smoky Mountains, where I go camping, hiking, and white water rafting for 10 amazing days!  Just wait till I post pictures of my TENT – and the bear we came across while hiking!  We got lots of rain towards the end of the week, so we headed off to my friend Kerin’s cabin in Boone, and spent the rest of vacation in the beautiful Pisgah National Forest.

I thought August would be quiet, but today is the 27th, and I don’t know where the month went.  I performed a Bar Mitzvah for Makhail, where everyone came in “Jedi” costumes, and a very sad funeral, for the loss of my friend’s mother, a beautiful woman who was taken far too early.  Then, it was time to take Trevor to Gainesville, and Lauren to Jacksonville, and that brings me to today- where I just returned home, ready to go!

I am, however, going to take a few hours to hit the beach, and go for a walk, enjoying the beautiful Florida outdoors.  I have missed sun, and relaxation, but I just couldn’t hit the sand and surf without taking a few minutes to write.  I want to write about all of these things that I have done this summer, but I also have many new and exciting things to cover coming up.

Oh wait – did I mention I got certified to scuba dive, and will now be performing underwater weddings with ProDiveUSA?  Yeah, so much to tell…

Stay tuned, I’ll be back – but for now, going to get a dose of vitamin D!

LOVE YA!

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Filed Under: Bar/Bat Mitzvah Adventures, Jewish, Jewish, Interfaith, LGBTQ Weddings, Thoughts Tagged With: Bar Mitzvah, Funerals, Weddings

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Sunrise, FL 33326
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6:00 pm: Ava's Bat Mitzvah, Wellington, FL

March 4, 2023 6:00 pm – 8:00 pm

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Upcoming Events

  • 10:00 am – 11:15 am, September 19, 2020 – High Holy Days with Cantor Debbi Ballard on ZOOM
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  • 10:00 am – 11:15 am, September 28, 2020 – High Holy Days with Cantor Debbi Ballard on ZOOM
  • 6:00 pm – 8:00 pm, March 4, 2023 – Ava's Bat Mitzvah, Wellington, FL

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