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Wedding Officiant -Debbi Ballard

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Home » Bar Mitzvah » Page 3

Sharing the Light – Preparing a Young Boy for His Bar Mitzvah 1,000 Miles Apart

December 24, 2008 by Debbi Ballard 2 Comments

What an amazing, heartwarming experience I had tonight.  I cannot wait to share this awesome story.

When I performed Yelena’s wedding in the DR last month, she couldn’t wait for me to meet her friend, Sharon, who I wrote about in a previous blog entry.  Sometimes, you meet someone, and you know the connection is soooo strong, but you just don’t know how or why, and that was the story with Sharon.  We truly were like soul sisters, and we both knew that had 1000 miles not been between us, we would be best friends forever.

Well, last month, Sharon asked if she could refer me to someone, and of course I said “YES”!  Her intention was to connect me with a family who had a young, Bar Mitzvah-aged boy, without previous Hebrew education.  The Mom also had a Holocaust-survivor mother, who had been ailing, and wasn’t sure exactly how long she would have the privilege of enjoying time with, and wondered if there was anything that could be done to give her son a Bar Mitzvah in time for the grandmother to celebrate with him.

Normally, I would consider this a request for a drive-through service – an excuse to throw an audacious party, and would generally not oblige – but Audrey’s family was different.  Last night was proof.

There is no big party involved.  There is no other purpose- other than for Max to share his Bar Mitzvah with his Grandmother, and have the memory of a moving, Jewish experience, in spite of his lack of traditional Hebrew education.  This will be an interactive family experience, and Max will absolutely recite the Maftir blessings, write a D’Var Torah, and know clearly what it means to be a good Jew in the eyes of G-d.

Last night, I had the pleasure of meeting Max, Audrey, Rob, and Grandma.  It was 14 degrees outside their home, 75 outside mine.  I was sitting on my living room couch, they were sitting in their den.  We put our headsets on, dialed through Skype, and were connected in an instant.

But, that’s not the beautiful thing.

Max and I had an opportunity to share with each other, talk about what it meant to become a Bar Mitzvah, and get to know each other a little better.  He’s a precious, outgoing, happy young man, eager to have this special experience with his Grandmother.

I met Grandma, who couldn’t have been sweeter, herself.  She was so excited that we would all have this connection, and couldn’t wait to meet me.  The feeling is mutual. She is a Holocaust survivor, an Eastern European Jew, and a beautiful woman.  I cannot express how excited I am to be able to share this experience with her.

But that was not the beautiful part, either.

While we were on video chat, enjoying each other, Audrey and Rob brought out the Hanukkah Menorah, and 4 candles.  They placed the candles in the Menorah, Max lit the candles, and together we said the blessing over the Hanukkah lights.  Then, we sang Maoz Tzur, the Hebrew song titled Rock of Ages, and we truly shared an incredibly profound moment together, 1000 miles apart.

THAT was the beautiful thing.

I’ve never done this before, and I was moved beyond belief.  Words just cannot describe this experience, but the memory will last in my heart forever.  Technology is amazing.  It connects us in incredible ways, if we use it properly.  (That’s a whole other blog entry – I think it’s definitely overdone) But when it can be used to enhance our connection with people, to deepen our relationship by bringing personal moments together such as last night, when distance separates us, it is an amazing tool.  And, it changed my outlook on life, just a little…

I’m not sure what I’m more excited for – the actual Bar Mitzvah, or getting the chance to see Sharon and celebrate another simcha with her, and meet her family, but, I think the combination of the two is so exciting, I can hardly wait.  Max, I can’t wait to get to know you better, and share an incredibly meaningful simcha in your life, and your family’s lives.  Welcome to my world!  I’m so happy to be part of yours!

See you in Jersey!!

signature Cantor and Rabbi Debbi Ballard

Filed Under: Bar/Bat Mitzvah Adventures, Jewish, Interfaith, LGBTQ Weddings Tagged With: Bar Mitzvah, Celebration, Hanukkah, Holidays

Taking inventory, saying thanks, and planning a new year

September 15, 2008 by Debbi Ballard Leave a Comment

I was sitting here, thinking of all the overdue posts I have to write about, and all the organizing and task lists that need to be handled, and I realized that before I did one more thing, I wanted to reflect on what has made this month incredibly amazing.  Because, without the events of this past month, next month, and the months after just wouldn’t be possible. I think it’s soooo important to say thanks – even for the small things, like someone stopping by and saying hello on my blog.

First, my Mom had surgery last Thursday on her back, and I’m happy to say she came through with flying colors.  It’s been a long time (Thank You, G-d) since anyone in my family has had any health concern at all, so this one was scary, but she’s on the road to recovery.  I’m so thankful that I have both of my parents, and they are in great health.  The alternative is unthinkable, so I’d like to keep this status quo for a LONG time.

Second, I think Lauren and Trevor are beginning to settle in to this year, so I’d like to say THANKS to them both, for being great grown up children, and spreading their wings.

I have some great new weddings that I am planning – and I am so thankful that the calendar is filling up daily!  I looked at my spreadsheet yesterday, and every month is just jam packed with weddings, Bar Mitzvahs, and lots of other great events.  I’m co-officiating a Jewish/Catholic wedding in Gainesville in May, a 2nd wedding for a lovely couple right here at home, the wedding of a good friend’s son, and lots of upcoming events in Mexico, Puerto Rico, and The Bahamas.  (Doesn’t anyone want to hire a Cantor on the Amalfi Coast in Italy????)

On the Bar Mitzvah front, I’m going to do the Bar Mitzvah for my friend Jacey’s brother in law in Chicago, a Bar Mitzvah on a yacht, and then, of course, there is Andrew’s(Spencer’s brother) Bar Mitzvah next year, on the Majesty of the Seas.  I recently began working with 2 new families in Boca, and I’m alternating their tutoring sessions with live & video chat formats.  So, I’m really thankful for web technology that lets me do this, from my office.

Along the way, I’ve met many incredible people out here on the internet, and I’m also incredibly thankful for them, and wish them the best of luck.  The top few are Roz, from www.sayitwithecards.com.  She makes beautiful e-cards for Jewish holidays.  Then, there’s Alex Klein (Are you out there Alex??) who I feel very connected to through our writings, in the gulf coast.  I hope he has made his way online after Hurricane Ike, and I have been thinking about him daily.  Tomorrow, I  am meeting Lisa, from Torah Tunes, who just happens to be in South Florida visiting from the North.  Today, I heard from 2 new friends – Audrey & Rob.  Audrey just dropped by and said hello, and I can’t believe how happy that made me.  Just to hear from someone, who took the time to make me feel special.  THANKS.  And Rob – with his very cool Mitzvah Art.  I sent a link to his website around to my most special contacts, and I think I made him feel special too.  OH – And then there is Jenni – She was soooo funny when she sent me an email the other day, pleading with me to book a date for her (sight unseen) and telling me that I fit right in to her family so well, I was going to become a member!  I cannot wait for that wedding!!! (Mexico, May 09)  I actually DO feel like part of the family already!

I’m so thankful for all the great contacts I’ve made, the word of mouth referrals that so many of my past clients have offered, and the work I get to do with close friends, because – that is the greatest compliment of all.  Thanks to everyone who supports me, who has been my greatest champions and cheerleaders, and for those who love me the most.  Those of us whose job it is to give from our hearts, cannot possibly continue to give without the love and support of those around us, and I am so lucky to receive so much love from my closest friends and family.  I am so excited about the coming months, and the opportunities ahead of me.  I am so thankful for my new clients, and my new friends, and I am so amazed at how the universe brings us just the right things, and just the right time, when we have faith it is so.

Thanks.

Filed Under: Bar/Bat Mitzvah Adventures, Jewish, Interfaith, LGBTQ Weddings, Thoughts, Weddings Tagged With: appreciation, Bar Mitzvah, friends, happiness, healing, optimism, thanks, Thoughts, Weddings

Z & E's B'Nai Mitzvah – Another favorite for sure!

September 1, 2008 by Debbi Ballard 2 Comments

I just can’t figure out how each ceremony I do becomes my favorite!  I have so many favorites, I just don’t know how to classify them all, and this past Shabbat morning was no exception!

E&Z (names removed for privacy) – A brother/sister team that shared their special day quickly worked their little ways deep into my heart, bringing me to tears of joy and sadness as we stood on the bimah together at the end of their ceremony.  I worked with E&Z for about 9 months.  Every week, we gathered around the dining room table, and did our thing.  Every week, E brought the most amazing enthusiasm and desire to please, while Z – a bit quieter and less interested in pleasing did his share.

It was actually strange, looking back, to realize that very quietly, somehow, Z’s interest took hold, and he began to change through this process.  Suddenly, his work was done perfectly.  His effort increased, his memorization and trope improved immensely, and I could see – he was actually taking pride in what he did.  Both E and Z always strived to understand the material, and make it meaningful to them, rather than just accept at face value what they were supposed to be doing.

I especially enjoyed working on the 10 Mitzvot with them.  They really took those personally, and I could see they began to mirror the lessons we were working on, and becoming even better and more responsible teenagers as they recognized they were becoming more accountable for their actions.

R – their Mom, well…what can I say?  This woman runs her household with impeccable diligence, rules, structure, humor, and grace.  There was always an upbeat air to her household, yet, you just knew that she juggles a lot.  It’s not easy for a single Mom to handle the kids’ schedules, a job, and planning a B’Nai Mitzvah, but she did such an incredible job.  At the end, she and the kids gave me an absolutely amazing gift that I just want to say thank you AGAIN for – another sign of her caring, generous heart and soul.

But – then…The event.  She did such an amazing job.  It was held at Jacaranda Country Club, and the room looked beautiful.  The chairs were done in a lime green and turqoise blue, and it looked so beautiful.  She had more than 55 kids, and 130 adults, so we were a full house, but it was warm, and you couldn’t help but feel the positive air as you walked in.

I made sure that I set the proper tone for the day.  I knew I had a lot of Jewish and Non Jewish family members in the audience, and it was important that I made all of them feel comfortable and welcome.  I reminded them that it wasn’t about how much (if any) Hebrew they knew, but about the positive prayer they held in their heart for Z & E, that mattered.  We sang, we prayed, we laughed, and rejoiced, as the kids took their spots as adults in the Jewish faith, and in the eyes of G-d.

For me – it became another favorite, but one that will live long in my heart.  Thanks, R, for sharing your beautiful children with me, and for giving me a piece of your family.  I will cherish it forever!

Z & E B'nai Mitzvah FC
Photography courtesy of www.kaydenphotography.com

Mazel Tov to The Family!

Filed Under: Bar/Bat Mitzvah Adventures, Featured Content Tagged With: Bar Mitzvah, Interfaith, lifecycle

What DO we want from Hebrew Schools?

August 13, 2008 by Debbi Ballard 2 Comments

Gary Rosenblatt, Editor of The Jewish Week, wrote an incredibly insightful and timely article today, that I felt compelled to finally write about, after giving this much thought for oh – 20+ years or so.

Even though the work I am doing is moving rapidly in that direction, I have been somewhat fearful of putting my exact thoughts in writing, because my feelings really don’t do anything to enhance the traditional synagogue’s reputation in educating our Jewish children. I just got another phone call from a local parent, lamenting about the poor quality of education, the “factory” type of experience, and the negative feeling she had from one of our local synagogues, and she was looking for a more engaging, personal, and meaningful experience for her roughly $20k investment in her child’s Hebrew School education.

Like it or not, families ARE belonging, just for the lifecycle. The majority of Jewish families choose to no longer associate and pay dues to synagogues, once their children become Bar or Bat Mitzvah. Even when families do continue to pay dues, however, the child more often than not ends his or her connection, inevitably to focus on activities in their secular lives, rather than their religious lives.

Overall, families complain to me that they are certainly not getting their 20 thousand dollars worth – Instead, they are relegated to ridiculously early services, only to be RUSHED out of the building, to make room for the NEXT group of Bar Mitzvah attendees – and then what? The service is over at 11 – and – they can’t even have the nice room to make a luncheon, if they weren’t FIRST on the lottery to get the room. Top that off with an impersonal service, a condescending Rabbi on the pulpit who doesn’t even know the child’s name, and a measly two or three aliyot, so they can barely honor grandparents, let alone the Aunts and Uncles and Cousins.

Gary writes, “One seeming disconnect that Wertheimer found in his study is that while most parents see the chief role of secondary schools as preparing children for bar or bat mitzvah, only 7 percent of the schools surveyed listed that as their primary goal. Most schools cited giving children positive Jewish experiences as their top objective.” I believe the disconnect is that synagogues are too busy trying to figure out how to balance the budget with overpaid clergy and Executive Directors, and not enough time actually figuring out how to actually deliver the positive Jewish experiences. Kids are bored, and tired of teachers who are incapable of managing behavior, and have to spend 80% of their time quieting the room, leaving only 20% of their time to effective lesson delivery.

Parents feel that the clergy is more concerned with they themselves want to GIVE, rather than what the families want or need to feel connected. Sermons on the bimah that seem like scolding, or subject material completely irrelevant to today leave families wondering WHY they pay 20k to belong. The whole experience is a disconnect, and all people really want, at the end of the day, is to feel GOOD about being Jewish.

We must define what it is – or will be – that makes us get those warm and fuzzy feelings about being Jewish. Why do huge monstrosities of churches pop up on every corner, with traffic jams EVERY Sunday, and we can’t get a full room at a Sisterhood opening event? Because synagogues aren’t giving families what they really want – and they haven’t even spent a minute trying to figure it out. They decide what the Rabbi will do, and dictate the programming to the congregants, and then wonder why they cannot fill rooms. They’re all coming at it from the wrong direction.

At the end of the day, today’s families want less rules and more engagement. I’m not sure if a synagogue can even possibly meet the needs of today’s families, but I do see more and more spiritual cheerleaders – like myself, popping up all over the U.S. People who want to bring the “feel good” stuff that Jewishness creates, without the annoyances of organization. Synagogues used to mean “community”. Today, we find and create our own little communities, without needing to go inside a building.

I believe, what we really want from Hebrew Schools is less structured, engaging material, that Jewish children can understand and enjoy. Let’s learn more about the 10 Mitzvot, about being a good Jew, about what V’Ahavta means, and why the Sh’ma is so incredibly important to us. Let’s learn less phonetic memorization, and more about what Abraham and Sara really stood for, and why they’re important to us today.

Let’s learn how to live our lives as good Jewish people, doing good deeds, repairing the world, healing the sick, and appreciating what our ancestors stood for. Let’s make Jewish prayer resonate within us through music, ruach, and FUN. It can be done. At least, I’m working on it – every day.

My Rabbi told me I can’t save the world. But, if I can save 20 Jewish families next year, it’s a job well done.

Filed Under: Bar/Bat Mitzvah Adventures, Judaism, Thoughts Tagged With: Bar Mitzvah, Bat Mitzvah, Hebrew School, Jewish, Judaism, Synagogue

Havdalah Bar Mitzvah delight

July 20, 2008 by Debbi Ballard Leave a Comment

Recently, a Party Planner I worked with last year, Lynn Goldberg, called me to ask if I would officiate at a Bar Mitzvah for one of her clients. They had recently moved down here from New Jersey, didn’t belong to a synagogue, but were planning a private Bar Mitzvah for their son, Jed. I met with the family, and agreed to work with them, especially since they already had someone to tutor Jed, and only needed me for the service. I went up to their home the following week, to meet the tutor, and plan the ceremony, and met Harriette Reznik, Jed’s tutor. Well we planned the ceremony, and got along famously, and agreed to keep in close touch, to discuss Jed’s progress.

The following week, I was working on a project with another client, who mentioned they were thinking of hiring someone for a job they needed filled, and asked if I would meet her, to see if she was someone they could work with. I took a look at the person’s name on the resume, and it said Harriette Reznik. Hmm, could it be? I walked around the corner, and there was Harriette sitting in the office, and neither of us could believe what a small world it was. So, we’ve been working together on 2 completely unrelated projects, and she is as nice as can be, and has quickly become a great friend.

Oh – so back to the Bar Mitzvah –

So, Karen (Jed’s Mom) asks me if I could incorporate her cousin and his oboe into any of my musical pieces, and I agreed to try to find the music to the R’Tzei, my favorite solo prayer in the Shabbat service. I hunted down the music and sent her cousin the piece, and he wrote the most beautiful oboe solo to my voice solo, only, I forgot to tell him to raise the key one half step. There we were, 5 minutes before the ceremony, and he had it written in entirely the wrong key.

Normally, not a problem, because if I needed to raise the key a half step, I could have used a capo on the guitar, but his was a half step lower, which resulted in chords that are disastrous to play for an amateur guitar player. (I need to take some professional lessons this month!!) But, miraculously, his son, a music major at NYU, was there, and he agreed to play my guitar for the piece. So, there we were, in the service, the 3 of us who had never seen each other, or played together, and we played the most magnificent rendition of the R’tzei, if I do say so myself.

It was a beautiful service. We sang Rick Recht’s Havdalah prayers over the wine, the candles, and the spices. They had a magnificent cocktail reception at the pool, with a Key West theme, and the night was a major success. It was actually one of my favorite services I’ve ever done! I hope they share the video with me!

Filed Under: Bar/Bat Mitzvah Adventures Tagged With: Bar Mitzvah, Havdalah, Jewish, Judaism, Prayer

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