My Personal Cantor

Wedding Officiant -Debbi Ballard

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Home » Interfaith

Ezra & Joe’s Eco-Friendly Queer Jewish Interfaith Wedding

July 21, 2022 by Debbi Ballard Leave a Comment

Special Relationships are my JAM!

Ezra had been working for me for a few weeks, and we had already developed such an amazing relationship.  Ezra is wise, spunky, intelligent and driven, and they made an incredible employee when I needed one the most.  They are a team player, and supported me unconditionally in all of my business ideas and goals.

One day, Ezra let me know they they were seeking a Rabbi in the Eugene area.  They were confident they would find one to perform their wedding, but they were immediately dismayed when they realized that the local Rabbis would not support them because they were an Interfaith couple, and well, they simply couldn’t support the budget most Rabbis needed to charge.  (Which is fully justified, but – what does a couple do when they are totally doing a DIY wedding and simply cannot afford a $1000+ fee??)

Let’s solve this problem!

I told Ezra that if they just provided a ticket for me to get from Florida to Eugene, Oregon, I would be there with bells on for their wedding.  Consequently, we immediately got to work, planned an incredible wedding that was PERFECT for the two of them, and a $500 plane ticket later, and there I was, in Eugene, with this incredible couple.

While I may not always be able to make arrangements like this, but I do believe that $$ should never stand in the way of an amazing couple seeking the perfect wedding officiant.  Sometimes, it’s about love, support, and compassion, and sometimes it’s about making a living.  For Ezra, I would have gone to the ends of the earth with whatever I had to support their wedding, and I’m just happy to have had such a perfect outcome, and to see the recent article Ezra penned for 18 Doors.

That’s the way I like it!

Love is love.  Judaism requires that we welcome our neighbors, and we look at all humans without judgment.  The most Jewish thing I could do was show up for Ezra and Joe, and I’m so happy that I did.

Mazel Tov, you two!

Ezra and Cantor Debbi
Ezra and Cantor Debbi
Ezra, Joe and Cantor Debbi
Ezra, Joe and Cantor Debbi

Filed Under: GLBT, Jewish, Interfaith, LGBTQ Weddings, Weddings Tagged With: Interfaith, Interfaith wedding officiant, Jewish, queer

Interfaith Holiday Celebrations – My Thoughts

December 13, 2017 by Debbi Ballard Leave a Comment

I turned the calendar page.  It’s December and that can only mean one thing. It’s holiday time. Personally, I love this time of year. Look around, people are smiling and making plans to spend time with their family and friends. I am no exception.  That said, interfaith holiday celebrations, something many members of my community have, can be challenging.

Each year, around this time,  some families are conflicted. When one adult was raised celebrating Hanukkah and the other celebrating Christmas, holiday time can often be stressful, even for those families who have discussed these issue and made religious commitments.

If you, as an interfaith family, have decided to raise your children Jewish, what DO you do at Christmas time?  Your in-laws celebrate.  Other family members celebrate. And honestly, Christmas is EVERYWHERE.  It’s in your face, even before Halloween.  It’s beautiful (all those lights) and it’s fun — who doesn’t want a visit from Santa? What should you do?

Or, if you are a Jewish parent who has committed to raising your child in the Christian faith, should you skip Hanukkah all together?  What about the holiday traditions you loved growing up.  There are dilemmas everywhere!

My Belief

As a spiritual adviser for the unaffiliated and interfaith communities, this question is familiar to me.  As a parent of a child who was raised in an interfaith family, this question is personal to me.  And, as a grandparent of the most beautiful little boy who is being raised in an interfaith family, this question is current for me.  However, my answer to the question is this: there is no right answer.

When this question is asked of me, I consistently deliver  a single response.  No matter what your decision, act with respect.  While my beliefs and faith in Judaism run deep (I was raised in a conservative household and am a Cantor by trade), my respect for all religions and all people run equally as deep.  We must, under all circumstances, understand that people have differing beliefs.  Although they may not align with ours, it doesn’t mean that they are wrong.

That said, Understanding this may make the following statement easier to comprehend.  “Although you have made a commitment to raising your child Jewish/Christian/Hindu/Muslim/Buddhist with your spouse; you must understand and accept that he/she has years of memories and experiences based in another religion.  Those beliefs and his/her love of specific traditions don’t disappear, even if you make a specific commitment.”   Honestly, I don’t really think they should. Our history (both religious and secular) shapes who we are; we should never turn our backs upon it.

My Advice

So, what should you do?  Well, that’s a tough question.  It depends on your beliefs. There are so many options.

Some Stories

For example, there is the story of my friend’s roommate.  She was raised Jewish; even had a Bat Mitzvah.  She met her husband after college.  He was Catholic.  At their wedding they had both a Rabbi and a Priest; I heard the ceremony was lovely.  Prior to the wedding, they made a commitment to raising their children Jewish.  They would have a Bris/Naming Ceremony and Bar/Bat Mitzvahs. Honestly, there is no debate, their children are Jewish.  However, every holiday season there is a Christmas tree in their house.  “Why”, you may ask?  “Aren’t they raising their children Jewish?”  “Yes, they are.”  Understand,  her husband is NOT Jewish.  He grew up celebrating Christmas and has a lifetime of memories and traditions.  She believes that having that tree celebrates him and allows him to share some of his holiday traditions with their family.  She respects his history and shares that respect with her family, such a special thing to do.

Additionally, there is another family where the husband is Jewish and the wife is Christian.  Again, they decided to raise their children Jewish.  They have no tree; her husband felt strongly about this and she agreed.  However, they spend Christmas every year with her family. There is a tree, stockings, Santa, and most importantly, lots of love.  The children understand that they are Jewish, but mommy is not.  And, they look forward to celebrating with her each year.

This begs the question, “would I be so understanding if Judaism was not the religion chosen for the children? My answer is a resounding yes!  Why, you may ask? Because of that one simple word, respect.  I respect the choices my friends and my community make; I will always honor them.  Understand, people make decisions for a variety of complex and personal reasons; it is not my job to question those.  I always counsel my families to discuss these issues early and often; and to anticipate issues along the way. However, I would never question the carefully made decision once it is final.  I would respect it.

Finally, one additional scenario, what about that couple that decides to not choose, to raise their children with aspect from both religions.  Well, here are my thoughts: I’m afraid that doing “both” puts the burden of future choice on a child, which represents their choice of one parent over another.  In my home, we raised our children to be educated in only one faith, but we honored the non Jewish parent (their father) by celebrating his holidays, but we communicated that we chose for them to be Jewish.  Children appreciate having definition – and feel more confident to make future choices knowing they had parents in agreement.

Interfaith Holiday Celebrations

In the end, regardless of  your choices, I encourage you to stand by them, honor them and continue to build memories and traditions for your family for years to come.  Providing your children a safe and harmonious place to celebrate who they are is important; and creating an environment of love serves as a foundation for how they will raise their children and celebrate holidays in the future.

Finally, respect your choices and the choices of others.  Don’t judge their decisions or actions.  Be a part of a holiday season that truly brings joy to all.

Happy Holidays!

For more information call me at 954-646-1326 I would love to learn about your family and share how I can work with you.

Filed Under: Debbi's Deep Thoughts and Musings, Holidays, Jewish Tagged With: inspiration, Interfaith, Spirituality, Thoughts

What’s New at the Zoo? Eli’s Bar Mitzvah!!

December 4, 2017 by Debbi Ballard Leave a Comment

I love working with young people.  Helping to prepare them for their Bar Mitzvah or Bat Mitzvah service is one of my greatest joys.  The opportunity to share what I know and teach not only the history of our religion, but also how this history affects them and their families, is special.  Every once in a while I work with someone whose story is so unique that even I am surprised.

Eli and Cantor Debbi Ballard posing by the cutout at Eli's Bar Mitzvah celebration at the Palm Beach Zoo in West Palm Beach, Florida
Eli and I posing by the cutout of him as a young child — so much fun!

With that as a backdrop, meet Eli.

The Importance of History

Eli’s family history is incredibly interesting.  First, his father Alex is Jewish and from Russia – but he never became a Bar Mitzvah.  Alex’s father, Eli’s grandfather, also never became a Bar Mitzvah.  Seems strange, right?  Well, consider this:  Eli’s great grandfather grew up in Russia; he had to worship secretly.  Because of this, their religion was not openly shared, simply quietly respected.

Eli’s mother is Pam, and she is not Jewish.  In fact, before   she met Alex she had never even met a Jewish person.  Pam, however, was completely supportive of Eli becoming a Bar Mitzvah.  She respected her husband’s heritage and recognized the significance of this day for their entire family; Eli would be the first person in three generations to become a Bar Mitzvah.

The Bar Mitzvah Ceremony

As a Cantor serving the Interfaith and unaffiliated Jewish community in South Florida, I have officiated countless Bar Mitzvah and Bat Mitzvah ceremonies uniting and including people of all faiths.  That said, I do not ever remember developing a ceremony quite like this.  Nobody in Eli’s “congregation” at the Bar Mitzvah knew any Hebrew; not even the most common of prayers.  It was something I had never experienced.  Even when working with interfaith families there are usually a few people familiar with the service in attendance.

While familiarity with the ceremony may not have been present; something so much more important was:  a level of interest, respect and love that was so strong it was almost tangible.  Eli’s family, who were unfamiliar with this process, were so supportive.  And so the service began….

It was in English, almost all in English, and different than any other service, Eli and I together shared the story of his journey and what becoming a Bar Mitzvah entailed and meant.  It was a celebration of all that Eli had learned and a life lesson to those who were there to share this special day.  I could have incorporated more Hebrew and held a more traditional service; but really, to what end?

The opportunity to share our heritage in a manner that everyone could understand and appreciate was an important one to seize.  A traditional service incorporating a significant amount of Hebrew was expected; but would it be appropriate? Would it be valuable?  Wasn’t it more important for Eli to be able to share all he learned, his religion and traditions, in a manner that could be understood and appreciated by those closest to him?  It was,  and he did.

The Celebration of Eli’s Bar Mitzvah at the Palm Beach Zoo in West Palm Beach

While the Bar Mitzvah service may have been unique; the celebration was even more so.  Uncommon, incredibly special and so much fun!  The entire Bar Mitzvah (service and celebration) was held at, now get this, The Palm Beach Zoo, in West Palm Beach, Florida. (http://www.palmbeachzoo.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=events.main).

Palm Beach zoo logo, Eli's Bar Mitzvah celebration with Cantor Debbi BallardFifty  family members  and friends gathered in a private room for the service; and once it was complete there was the most creative celebration:  a zoo scavenger hunt.

In groups, guests traveled through the zoo and collected/identified everything on their scavenger hunt list.  How much fun is that?  Once they completed this challenging and fun task, everyone gathered for a lovely luncheon; featuring the most beautiful Bar Mitzvah cake I have ever seen.  (check out the picture).

Jewish cake with lettering Mazel Tov Eli at Eli's Bar Mitzvah celebration at the Palm Beach Zoo in West Palm Beach, Florida
Beautiful and delicious!

Pam has a friend,  a very talented pastry artist (as a hobby), and she agreed to create Eli’s cake.  It was a masterpiece complete with a replica of his talis and kippah.  It was so personal, so beautiful,  and obviously made with love.

Every chance I have to work with a young person and ultimately officiate at their Bar or Bat Mitzvah  is a lesson for me.  I always learn  something new.  This time, I learned that a service that to an outsider may have seemed “less Jewish” was actually more. After all, there is no greater mitzvah than sharing and teaching your beliefs with others in a manner that is comfortable easy to understand. Eli learned so much throughout our time together, but truly I think he (and I) learned the most that morning.  It was a day I will always remember and an experience I will treasure for a lifetime.  I am so grateful to have this family in my life.  This experience had a profound effect on me and I know it will influence my work in the future.

Want to create your own Bar Mitzvah “dream come true”?  Contact Cantor Debbi today to see how you can co-create the event of your dreams. I would love to learn about your family and share how I can work with you.

Filed Under: Bar/Bat Mitzvah Adventures Tagged With: Bar Mitzvah, ceremony, Interfaith, Jewish ceremony, south florida

Your Brother is not a Wedding Officiant…Why You Should Always Hire a Professional

April 8, 2017 by Debbi Ballard Leave a Comment

I received an email from someone in Philadelphia this morning who was considering using her brother as a wedding officiant.

“My daughter is getting married on July 22 (her fiancee is not Jewish).  She and her fiancee have asked my brother to marry them.  My brother is going to get certified on line, but we want to be sure the marriage is legal.  Could you recommend a cantor in the Philadelphia area, that would be willing to come to our venue, before the wedding ceremony, to sign the marriage license (and maybe Ketubah) so the marriage would be legal?” [Read more…]

Filed Under: Jewish, Interfaith, LGBTQ Weddings, Weddings Tagged With: Interfaith, Jewish ceremony, Jewish wedding, officiant, ordination, wedding officiant

It’s Official! Shema Koleinu announces High Holiday Worship Services 5772!

July 31, 2011 by Debbi Ballard 4 Comments

 High Holiday Worship Services with Cantor Debbi Ballard Begin for the first time

7 years ago, I performed my first wedding.  6 years ago, I performed my first Bat Mitzvah.  Today, I am so proud to announce the official launch of “Shema Koleinu“, our non-profit synagogue-like organization that provides outreach to South Florida’s Jewish and Interfaith/Intercultural unaffiliated community.  After several years of providing quality, meaningful life cycles for families who do not belong to synagogues, I wanted to do more.  I wanted to mean more.  I knew, that in order to truly be “My Personal Cantor”, I must provide everything a true synagogue did, but was committed to eliminating the membership, dues, and business aspect of the synagogue.

It was not only critical to provide meaningful life cycles, it was critical to bring my community a place of belonging, a place they could call their community, and feel great about building. We can create community by action, not by dollars.  We can create community through mitzvah projects and group prayer, and not need to pay electric bills to do it!

But yet, we must build.  Bringing my community an amazing High Holy Day worship experience was my priority this year, and I’m so excited to announce that I have contracted with the Miramar Cultural Center in Miramar FL, to bring West Broward its first meaningful, uplifting, and spiritually abundant High Holiday worship services for the unaffiliated.  Regardless of your affiliation – or not – you can now worship and honor the new year with us, in a beautiful setting, with meaningful prayer and leadership.  Our services will be family-friendly, so bring your children!  And – we are even offering a tiny tot worship service for both Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.

We need the community’s help in building something they can call their own!  For more information, please contact Cantor Debbi Ballard at 954-646-1326.  Watch for our official ticket sales announcement in the next few days, and please – let us know what you can do to help.  This is not MY event – this is YOURS!  Please come and be a part of something – REVOLUTIONARY!  You’ll be so happy you did!

B’Shalom,

 

Filed Under: Thoughts, worship Tagged With: 5772, High Holidays, High Holy Days, Interfaith, Jewish, Rosh Hashanah, unaffiliated, worship, Yom Kippur

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717 Shotgun Road,
Sunrise, FL 33326
954-646-1326



~ Officiating Jewish & Interfaith Weddings, Bar & Bat Mitzvahs, Funerals, and any other Jewish Lifecycle Services in Florida, USA – Destination Weddings in North America, Mexico, Caribbean & Worldwide ~

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6:00 pm: Ava's Bat Mitzvah, Wellington, FL

March 4, 2023 6:00 pm – 8:00 pm

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5March 5, 2023

Upcoming Events

  • 10:00 am – 11:15 am, September 19, 2020 – High Holy Days with Cantor Debbi Ballard on ZOOM
  • 7:00 pm – 8:15 pm, September 27, 2020 – High Holy Days with Cantor Debbi Ballard on ZOOM
  • 10:00 am – 11:15 am, September 28, 2020 – High Holy Days with Cantor Debbi Ballard on ZOOM
  • 6:00 pm – 8:00 pm, March 4, 2023 – Ava's Bat Mitzvah, Wellington, FL

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