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Wedding Officiant -Debbi Ballard

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Home » Interfaith

Interfaith Holiday Celebrations – My Thoughts

December 13, 2017 by Debbi Ballard Leave a Comment

I turned the calendar page.  It’s December and that can only mean one thing. It’s holiday time. Personally, I love this time of year. Look around, people are smiling and making plans to spend time with their family and friends. I am no exception.  That said, interfaith holiday celebrations, something many members of my community have, can be challenging.

Each year, around this time,  some families are conflicted. When one adult was raised celebrating Hanukkah and the other celebrating Christmas, holiday time can often be stressful, even for those families who have discussed these issue and made religious commitments.

If you, as an interfaith family, have decided to raise your children Jewish, what DO you do at Christmas time?  Your in-laws celebrate.  Other family members celebrate. And honestly, Christmas is EVERYWHERE.  It’s in your face, even before Halloween.  It’s beautiful (all those lights) and it’s fun — who doesn’t want a visit from Santa? What should you do?

Or, if you are a Jewish parent who has committed to raising your child in the Christian faith, should you skip Hanukkah all together?  What about the holiday traditions you loved growing up.  There are dilemmas everywhere!

My Belief

As a spiritual adviser for the unaffiliated and interfaith communities, this question is familiar to me.  As a parent of a child who was raised in an interfaith family, this question is personal to me.  And, as a grandparent of the most beautiful little boy who is being raised in an interfaith family, this question is current for me.  However, my answer to the question is this: there is no right answer.

When this question is asked of me, I consistently deliver  a single response.  No matter what your decision, act with respect.  While my beliefs and faith in Judaism run deep (I was raised in a conservative household and am a Cantor by trade), my respect for all religions and all people run equally as deep.  We must, under all circumstances, understand that people have differing beliefs.  Although they may not align with ours, it doesn’t mean that they are wrong.

That said, Understanding this may make the following statement easier to comprehend.  “Although you have made a commitment to raising your child Jewish/Christian/Hindu/Muslim/Buddhist with your spouse; you must understand and accept that he/she has years of memories and experiences based in another religion.  Those beliefs and his/her love of specific traditions don’t disappear, even if you make a specific commitment.”   Honestly, I don’t really think they should. Our history (both religious and secular) shapes who we are; we should never turn our backs upon it.

My Advice

So, what should you do?  Well, that’s a tough question.  It depends on your beliefs. There are so many options.

Some Stories

For example, there is the story of my friend’s roommate.  She was raised Jewish; even had a Bat Mitzvah.  She met her husband after college.  He was Catholic.  At their wedding they had both a Rabbi and a Priest; I heard the ceremony was lovely.  Prior to the wedding, they made a commitment to raising their children Jewish.  They would have a Bris/Naming Ceremony and Bar/Bat Mitzvahs. Honestly, there is no debate, their children are Jewish.  However, every holiday season there is a Christmas tree in their house.  “Why”, you may ask?  “Aren’t they raising their children Jewish?”  “Yes, they are.”  Understand,  her husband is NOT Jewish.  He grew up celebrating Christmas and has a lifetime of memories and traditions.  She believes that having that tree celebrates him and allows him to share some of his holiday traditions with their family.  She respects his history and shares that respect with her family, such a special thing to do.

Additionally, there is another family where the husband is Jewish and the wife is Christian.  Again, they decided to raise their children Jewish.  They have no tree; her husband felt strongly about this and she agreed.  However, they spend Christmas every year with her family. There is a tree, stockings, Santa, and most importantly, lots of love.  The children understand that they are Jewish, but mommy is not.  And, they look forward to celebrating with her each year.

This begs the question, “would I be so understanding if Judaism was not the religion chosen for the children? My answer is a resounding yes!  Why, you may ask? Because of that one simple word, respect.  I respect the choices my friends and my community make; I will always honor them.  Understand, people make decisions for a variety of complex and personal reasons; it is not my job to question those.  I always counsel my families to discuss these issues early and often; and to anticipate issues along the way. However, I would never question the carefully made decision once it is final.  I would respect it.

Finally, one additional scenario, what about that couple that decides to not choose, to raise their children with aspect from both religions.  Well, here are my thoughts: I’m afraid that doing “both” puts the burden of future choice on a child, which represents their choice of one parent over another.  In my home, we raised our children to be educated in only one faith, but we honored the non Jewish parent (their father) by celebrating his holidays, but we communicated that we chose for them to be Jewish.  Children appreciate having definition – and feel more confident to make future choices knowing they had parents in agreement.

Interfaith Holiday Celebrations

In the end, regardless of  your choices, I encourage you to stand by them, honor them and continue to build memories and traditions for your family for years to come.  Providing your children a safe and harmonious place to celebrate who they are is important; and creating an environment of love serves as a foundation for how they will raise their children and celebrate holidays in the future.

Finally, respect your choices and the choices of others.  Don’t judge their decisions or actions.  Be a part of a holiday season that truly brings joy to all.

Happy Holidays!

For more information call me at 954-646-1326 I would love to learn about your family and share how I can work with you.

Filed Under: Debbi's Deep Thoughts and Musings, Holidays, Jewish Tagged With: inspiration, Interfaith, Spirituality, Thoughts

What’s New at the Zoo? Eli’s Bar Mitzvah!!

December 4, 2017 by Debbi Ballard Leave a Comment

I love working with young people.  Helping to prepare them for their Bar Mitzvah or Bat Mitzvah service is one of my greatest joys.  The opportunity to share what I know and teach not only the history of our religion, but also how this history affects them and their families, is special.  Every once in a while I work with someone whose story is so unique that even I am surprised.

Eli and Cantor Debbi Ballard posing by the cutout at Eli's Bar Mitzvah celebration at the Palm Beach Zoo in West Palm Beach, Florida
Eli and I posing by the cutout of him as a young child — so much fun!

With that as a backdrop, meet Eli.

The Importance of History

Eli’s family history is incredibly interesting.  First, his father Alex is Jewish and from Russia – but he never became a Bar Mitzvah.  Alex’s father, Eli’s grandfather, also never became a Bar Mitzvah.  Seems strange, right?  Well, consider this:  Eli’s great grandfather grew up in Russia; he had to worship secretly.  Because of this, their religion was not openly shared, simply quietly respected.

Eli’s mother is Pam, and she is not Jewish.  In fact, before   she met Alex she had never even met a Jewish person.  Pam, however, was completely supportive of Eli becoming a Bar Mitzvah.  She respected her husband’s heritage and recognized the significance of this day for their entire family; Eli would be the first person in three generations to become a Bar Mitzvah.

The Bar Mitzvah Ceremony

As a Cantor serving the Interfaith and unaffiliated Jewish community in South Florida, I have officiated countless Bar Mitzvah and Bat Mitzvah ceremonies uniting and including people of all faiths.  That said, I do not ever remember developing a ceremony quite like this.  Nobody in Eli’s “congregation” at the Bar Mitzvah knew any Hebrew; not even the most common of prayers.  It was something I had never experienced.  Even when working with interfaith families there are usually a few people familiar with the service in attendance.

While familiarity with the ceremony may not have been present; something so much more important was:  a level of interest, respect and love that was so strong it was almost tangible.  Eli’s family, who were unfamiliar with this process, were so supportive.  And so the service began….

It was in English, almost all in English, and different than any other service, Eli and I together shared the story of his journey and what becoming a Bar Mitzvah entailed and meant.  It was a celebration of all that Eli had learned and a life lesson to those who were there to share this special day.  I could have incorporated more Hebrew and held a more traditional service; but really, to what end?

The opportunity to share our heritage in a manner that everyone could understand and appreciate was an important one to seize.  A traditional service incorporating a significant amount of Hebrew was expected; but would it be appropriate? Would it be valuable?  Wasn’t it more important for Eli to be able to share all he learned, his religion and traditions, in a manner that could be understood and appreciated by those closest to him?  It was,  and he did.

The Celebration of Eli’s Bar Mitzvah at the Palm Beach Zoo in West Palm Beach

While the Bar Mitzvah service may have been unique; the celebration was even more so.  Uncommon, incredibly special and so much fun!  The entire Bar Mitzvah (service and celebration) was held at, now get this, The Palm Beach Zoo, in West Palm Beach, Florida. (http://www.palmbeachzoo.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=events.main).

Palm Beach zoo logo, Eli's Bar Mitzvah celebration with Cantor Debbi BallardFifty  family members  and friends gathered in a private room for the service; and once it was complete there was the most creative celebration:  a zoo scavenger hunt.

In groups, guests traveled through the zoo and collected/identified everything on their scavenger hunt list.  How much fun is that?  Once they completed this challenging and fun task, everyone gathered for a lovely luncheon; featuring the most beautiful Bar Mitzvah cake I have ever seen.  (check out the picture).

Jewish cake with lettering Mazel Tov Eli at Eli's Bar Mitzvah celebration at the Palm Beach Zoo in West Palm Beach, Florida
Beautiful and delicious!

Pam has a friend,  a very talented pastry artist (as a hobby), and she agreed to create Eli’s cake.  It was a masterpiece complete with a replica of his talis and kippah.  It was so personal, so beautiful,  and obviously made with love.

Every chance I have to work with a young person and ultimately officiate at their Bar or Bat Mitzvah  is a lesson for me.  I always learn  something new.  This time, I learned that a service that to an outsider may have seemed “less Jewish” was actually more. After all, there is no greater mitzvah than sharing and teaching your beliefs with others in a manner that is comfortable easy to understand. Eli learned so much throughout our time together, but truly I think he (and I) learned the most that morning.  It was a day I will always remember and an experience I will treasure for a lifetime.  I am so grateful to have this family in my life.  This experience had a profound effect on me and I know it will influence my work in the future.

Want to create your own Bar Mitzvah “dream come true”?  Contact Cantor Debbi today to see how you can co-create the event of your dreams. I would love to learn about your family and share how I can work with you.

Filed Under: Bar/Bat Mitzvah Adventures Tagged With: Bar Mitzvah, ceremony, Interfaith, Jewish ceremony, south florida

Your Brother is not a Wedding Officiant…Why You Should Always Hire a Professional

April 8, 2017 by Debbi Ballard Leave a Comment

I received an email from someone in Philadelphia this morning who was considering using her brother as a wedding officiant.

“My daughter is getting married on July 22 (her fiancee is not Jewish).  She and her fiancee have asked my brother to marry them.  My brother is going to get certified on line, but we want to be sure the marriage is legal.  Could you recommend a cantor in the Philadelphia area, that would be willing to come to our venue, before the wedding ceremony, to sign the marriage license (and maybe Ketubah) so the marriage would be legal?” [Read more…]

Filed Under: Jewish, Interfaith, LGBTQ Weddings, Weddings Tagged With: Interfaith, Jewish ceremony, Jewish wedding, officiant, ordination, wedding officiant

It’s Official! Shema Koleinu announces High Holiday Worship Services 5772!

July 31, 2011 by Debbi Ballard 4 Comments

 High Holiday Worship Services with Cantor Debbi Ballard Begin for the first time

7 years ago, I performed my first wedding.  6 years ago, I performed my first Bat Mitzvah.  Today, I am so proud to announce the official launch of “Shema Koleinu“, our non-profit synagogue-like organization that provides outreach to South Florida’s Jewish and Interfaith/Intercultural unaffiliated community.  After several years of providing quality, meaningful life cycles for families who do not belong to synagogues, I wanted to do more.  I wanted to mean more.  I knew, that in order to truly be “My Personal Cantor”, I must provide everything a true synagogue did, but was committed to eliminating the membership, dues, and business aspect of the synagogue.

It was not only critical to provide meaningful life cycles, it was critical to bring my community a place of belonging, a place they could call their community, and feel great about building. We can create community by action, not by dollars.  We can create community through mitzvah projects and group prayer, and not need to pay electric bills to do it!

But yet, we must build.  Bringing my community an amazing High Holy Day worship experience was my priority this year, and I’m so excited to announce that I have contracted with the Miramar Cultural Center in Miramar FL, to bring West Broward its first meaningful, uplifting, and spiritually abundant High Holiday worship services for the unaffiliated.  Regardless of your affiliation – or not – you can now worship and honor the new year with us, in a beautiful setting, with meaningful prayer and leadership.  Our services will be family-friendly, so bring your children!  And – we are even offering a tiny tot worship service for both Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.

We need the community’s help in building something they can call their own!  For more information, please contact Cantor Debbi Ballard at 954-646-1326.  Watch for our official ticket sales announcement in the next few days, and please – let us know what you can do to help.  This is not MY event – this is YOURS!  Please come and be a part of something – REVOLUTIONARY!  You’ll be so happy you did!

B’Shalom,

 

Filed Under: Thoughts, worship Tagged With: 5772, High Holidays, High Holy Days, Interfaith, Jewish, Rosh Hashanah, unaffiliated, worship, Yom Kippur

Danielle and Garrett’s Jewish Interfaith Wedding Ceremony – Why I do what I do

November 4, 2010 by Debbi Ballard 4 Comments

Danielle and Garrett’s Jewish Interfaith wedding ceremony is the perfect reason why I do what I do.

Jewish Interfaith wedding ceremonies are absolutely what I do best, but being a positive resource to my couples is just as important.

Danielle and Garrett's Jewish-Interfaith wedding ceremony is the perfect reason why I do what I do.

Many colleagues ask me why I invest so much time in my individual Interfaith couples. They insist that I can be just as popular, and just as busy, but I don’t need to make my couples a part of my life.

WRONG!!!!

Without a couple like Danielle and Garrett, and without falling in love with some (many) of my couples, my practice would feel empty. Instead, Danielle and Garrett were just like my own family from the minute we met, and I wouldn’t change a thing. They both came to me a year ago, looking for a Cantor and unaffiliated wedding officiant for their Jewish Interfaith wedding and wanting to meet to explore the possibility of my co-officiating a wedding ceremony for them, as D was Jewish, and G was not. They were both raised traditionally, but wanted an equal yet meaningful blend of who they both were as individuals, yet reflecting their harmonious union together. We sat at Starbucks for almost 2 hours (yes, a little longer than the typical initial meeting) and when we left, there was so much love in the air. Danielle called me later to let me know that Garrett specifically wanted ME to do the wedding ceremony, absent of a co-officiant. Rarely is it the groom who displays such emotional preference, but Garrett had a way of opening up to me in that meeting, that preserved a very special place in my heart for him – forever. Through the year, Danielle and I became fast facebook friends, engaging in early morning and late night chat, and sometimes, some personal opportunities to vent, and for me to be a sounding board for her, and even some of her family members. After all, this was a  Jewish Interfaith wedding ceremony, and each of them had family members with strong preferences and religiously traditional ideas, and at times, Danielle and Garrett had to make some unpopular decisions about their wedding, that didn’t please all of the important people in their lives. Together, we worked through it all. Danielle came to my home for coffee one day, to work on choosing a Ketubah, which she purchased from MPArtworks. It was beautiful. She made me such an important part of every decision, and with every twist, turn, and contest that Danielle entered (AND WON!), we built a relationship that would last forever.

Signing Ketubah with Jewish Interfaith Wedding coupleNow, working with Danielle, it’s impossible not to get her – without the rest of the family, and of course – her very special Dad, Jules. Once D and I became facebook friends, I was instantly friends with her Mom, her Dad, and about 100 cousins. (ok – I’m exaggerating) Her dad, Jules, one of the most incredibly fun and sweet Dads I have ever met, included me in some facebook banter, and the rest was history. The year continued, with anticipation of meeting – and celebrating with everyone, and FINALLY – the wedding night arrived – 10/10/10.

Jules and his awesome smile
Jules and his awesome smile

A special date, a special Interfaith couple, and a special family – I knew this was going to be a Jewish Interfaith wedding ceremony to remember. Danielle could not have planned it better. She and Garrett were married at the Boca Marriott, a venue I could not recommend more highly. They were phenomenal, very accommodating, and everything was perfect. They were married at the fountain outside, and they had a platform built on top of the front third of the fountain, so we were elevated, yet the fountains ran behind us.

Side view of harpist and chuppah
Side view of harpist and chuppah

I can’t even tell you how beautiful their chuppah was, courtesy of Dalsimer Florists. Yes, these people are the best in the trade, and when you want over the top beautiful flowers – that’s where you go.

Chuppah by Dalsimer
Chuppah by Dalsimer

They had a harpist for wedding music, who I have played with before, and she is lovely.  We incorporated so many beautiful Jewish traditions, the ketubah, chuppah, sand ceremony and more.  We incorporated the 7 Blessings (Sheva Brachot) with a modern day interpretation on the English.  Instead of circling, I wrapped my tallit around their shoulders, to create a protective circle around them.  It was beautiful.

Tallit and 7 Blessings, Jewish Interfaith wedding ceremony
Tallit and 7 Blessings
Sand Ceremony, Jewish Interfaith wedding ceremony
Sand Ceremony

They performed the biblical ring exchange, on to the right finger, moving each ring over to their own left ring finger, which I think adds so much dimension to the Jewish-Interfaith wedding ceremony.  Overall, it was meaningful, uplifting, and just a tiny bit humorous, as Garrett kept throwing some humorous anecdotes in as I was talking and the 3 of us were giggling like crazy!

Biblical Ring Exchange, Jewish Interfaith wedding ceremony
Biblical Ring Exchange

On to the party!

Their DJ – Shamar Reyes, was amazing, he kept that party going, had everyone out on the dance floor (yes, me included), and played such fun music – you couldn’t help but want to dance! (And that, we did!)  Everything was so perfect, and we really had so much fun!celebrations after their Jewish Interfaith wedding ceremonyCantor and unaffiliated wedding officiant Debbi Ballard dances with the bride's dad at a Jewish Interfaith wedding ceremonyFunny note: D wanted a photo booth SO bad. Dad, Jules, wanted nothing to do with it. D entered ANOTHER contest – and yes – SHE WON. Dad, Jules, still wanted nothing to do with it. IT WAS AWESOME! (Ask Dad Jules about the photo booth – he ended up loving it!) Just ask Lindsay with www.photoboothsocial.com how much fun he had at the party! 🙂 Danielle’s friend, Jonathan Nimerfroh was hired to do photos, and he did an amazing job. (I could not be writing this blog entry without his generous supply of beautiful photos!)  We got a sneak peek just a few days after the wedding, and couldn’t wait to see the rest. D’s dress was designed by David Tutera, also a personal friend, and she looked like a princess. Danielle had her rehearsal dinner at Maggiano’s, in Boca, and after the Jewish-Interfaith wedding ceremony, we all made our way over to Rocco’s Tacos, ANOTHER personal friend of the family, who opened the bar for the after party, and for those of you who know what you do at Rocco’s – the tequila was flowing to say the least! (This family has GREAT friends!)

Rocco on the Bar with Tequila, after the Jewish Interfaith wedding ceremony
Rocco on the Bar with Tequila
Garrett's mom, contemplating Tequila after the Jewish Interfaith wedding ceremony
Garrett’s mom, contemplating Tequila

Yes, I attended all of the wedding events of the weekend. A little unusual, as time rarely permits, but again, this was special. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to describe my relationship with Danielle and Garrett, but I just know it is one that will last forever. They bring a very special brightness to my life, and they made me want to own the responsibility of giving them more than they could have hoped for, for their Jewish-Interfaith wedding ceremony. Without couples like this, I might be happy with just being good at what I do. Danielle and Garrett made me want to go beyond that. That’s why I do what I do. D & G – I love you both! I couldn’t have been happier to be such an important part of your special day! I know we will be part of each other’s lives for a very long time FOREVER!

Debbipurple

Want to create your own “dream come true wedding”? Contact Cantor Debbi today to see how you can co-create the event of your dreams.

PS: And don’t forget to stop by our sample ceremonies page to see what your Jewish Interfaith wedding ceremony might look like!

Filed Under: Debbi's Deep Thoughts and Musings, Featured Content, Slider, Weddings Tagged With: Interfaith, Jewish, wedding

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