My Personal Cantor

Wedding Officiant -Debbi Ballard

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Home » south florida

What’s New at the Zoo? Eli’s Bar Mitzvah!!

December 4, 2017 by Debbi Ballard Leave a Comment

I love working with young people.  Helping to prepare them for their Bar Mitzvah or Bat Mitzvah service is one of my greatest joys.  The opportunity to share what I know and teach not only the history of our religion, but also how this history affects them and their families, is special.  Every once in a while I work with someone whose story is so unique that even I am surprised.

Eli and Cantor Debbi Ballard posing by the cutout at Eli's Bar Mitzvah celebration at the Palm Beach Zoo in West Palm Beach, Florida
Eli and I posing by the cutout of him as a young child — so much fun!

With that as a backdrop, meet Eli.

The Importance of History

Eli’s family history is incredibly interesting.  First, his father Alex is Jewish and from Russia – but he never became a Bar Mitzvah.  Alex’s father, Eli’s grandfather, also never became a Bar Mitzvah.  Seems strange, right?  Well, consider this:  Eli’s great grandfather grew up in Russia; he had to worship secretly.  Because of this, their religion was not openly shared, simply quietly respected.

Eli’s mother is Pam, and she is not Jewish.  In fact, before   she met Alex she had never even met a Jewish person.  Pam, however, was completely supportive of Eli becoming a Bar Mitzvah.  She respected her husband’s heritage and recognized the significance of this day for their entire family; Eli would be the first person in three generations to become a Bar Mitzvah.

The Bar Mitzvah Ceremony

As a Cantor serving the Interfaith and unaffiliated Jewish community in South Florida, I have officiated countless Bar Mitzvah and Bat Mitzvah ceremonies uniting and including people of all faiths.  That said, I do not ever remember developing a ceremony quite like this.  Nobody in Eli’s “congregation” at the Bar Mitzvah knew any Hebrew; not even the most common of prayers.  It was something I had never experienced.  Even when working with interfaith families there are usually a few people familiar with the service in attendance.

While familiarity with the ceremony may not have been present; something so much more important was:  a level of interest, respect and love that was so strong it was almost tangible.  Eli’s family, who were unfamiliar with this process, were so supportive.  And so the service began….

It was in English, almost all in English, and different than any other service, Eli and I together shared the story of his journey and what becoming a Bar Mitzvah entailed and meant.  It was a celebration of all that Eli had learned and a life lesson to those who were there to share this special day.  I could have incorporated more Hebrew and held a more traditional service; but really, to what end?

The opportunity to share our heritage in a manner that everyone could understand and appreciate was an important one to seize.  A traditional service incorporating a significant amount of Hebrew was expected; but would it be appropriate? Would it be valuable?  Wasn’t it more important for Eli to be able to share all he learned, his religion and traditions, in a manner that could be understood and appreciated by those closest to him?  It was,  and he did.

The Celebration of Eli’s Bar Mitzvah at the Palm Beach Zoo in West Palm Beach

While the Bar Mitzvah service may have been unique; the celebration was even more so.  Uncommon, incredibly special and so much fun!  The entire Bar Mitzvah (service and celebration) was held at, now get this, The Palm Beach Zoo, in West Palm Beach, Florida. (http://www.palmbeachzoo.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=events.main).

Palm Beach zoo logo, Eli's Bar Mitzvah celebration with Cantor Debbi BallardFifty  family members  and friends gathered in a private room for the service; and once it was complete there was the most creative celebration:  a zoo scavenger hunt.

In groups, guests traveled through the zoo and collected/identified everything on their scavenger hunt list.  How much fun is that?  Once they completed this challenging and fun task, everyone gathered for a lovely luncheon; featuring the most beautiful Bar Mitzvah cake I have ever seen.  (check out the picture).

Jewish cake with lettering Mazel Tov Eli at Eli's Bar Mitzvah celebration at the Palm Beach Zoo in West Palm Beach, Florida
Beautiful and delicious!

Pam has a friend,  a very talented pastry artist (as a hobby), and she agreed to create Eli’s cake.  It was a masterpiece complete with a replica of his talis and kippah.  It was so personal, so beautiful,  and obviously made with love.

Every chance I have to work with a young person and ultimately officiate at their Bar or Bat Mitzvah  is a lesson for me.  I always learn  something new.  This time, I learned that a service that to an outsider may have seemed “less Jewish” was actually more. After all, there is no greater mitzvah than sharing and teaching your beliefs with others in a manner that is comfortable easy to understand. Eli learned so much throughout our time together, but truly I think he (and I) learned the most that morning.  It was a day I will always remember and an experience I will treasure for a lifetime.  I am so grateful to have this family in my life.  This experience had a profound effect on me and I know it will influence my work in the future.

Want to create your own Bar Mitzvah “dream come true”?  Contact Cantor Debbi today to see how you can co-create the event of your dreams. I would love to learn about your family and share how I can work with you.

Filed Under: Bar/Bat Mitzvah Adventures Tagged With: Bar Mitzvah, ceremony, Interfaith, Jewish ceremony, south florida

The Most Personal of Interfaith Wedding Ceremonies

November 27, 2017 by Debbi Ballard Leave a Comment

Jewish Interfaith wedding ceremony with couple and Co-Wedding Officiant
Jewish Interfaith Wedding Ceremony with Co-Officiant

Officiating an interfaith wedding ceremony requires a particular mindset, one that encompasses respect for multiple faiths, attention to important traditions and a true belief in the ability of a couple to move forward together despite what may have been vastly different upbringings.  For years I have officiated Jewish interfaith ceremonies.   I do so because I believe that faith, regardless of religion, unites people.

Meet My Couple – Dave and Tori

Dave and Tori are two fabulous individuals.   Together they make one super-fabulous couple!  Dynamic and fun loving, this couple actually met because a photo of Dave’s dog Karl, on a dating site, caught Tori’s attention.  Talk about giving new meaning to the term “man’s best friend”!  When Dave and Tori contacted me to discuss their upcoming interfaith wedding, I had no idea how uniquely special it would be.  First, Dave was raised in a Jewish home, Tori in a non-denominational Christian family.  Nothing new there.  I have performed many interfaith wedding ceremonies, some by myself and others in conjunction with another member of the clergy, for couples with similar religious backgrounds as Dave and Tori.  This is where the expected ended…..

The Surprise

You see, Dave and Tori were confident they wanted two wedding officiants, me and Vicki.   But there was a catch:  Vicki was Tori’s mother!   She recently graduated from a minister ordination program;  this was going to be her first wedding.  I have to admit, it caught me a little off guard.  The Mother of the Bride marrying the couple?  The mother of the bride who traditionally has so much emotionally invested in a wedding?  I was a bit concerned at first.  I kept thinking, “Will this work?”

Planning the Interfaith Wedding Ceremony – This Will Work!

After speaking with Vicki, I KNEW this partnership would not only work; but it would result in a magical experience.  After all, this woman made a life choice based on her faith and desire affect others (a decision with which I can easily identify).  Her commitment to her beliefs and her desire to share it through actively participating in her daughter’s interfaith wedding was inspiring.  What a beautiful gift she was going to be able to give them.

Dave and Tori (and Vicki and I) discussed their wedding ceremony.  We learned what was important to them, both traditionally and spiritually.    Understanding the meaning and symbolism behind Jewish wedding traditions is important.  This is a conversation I have regularly with brides and grooms; melding different religions to create a meaningful ceremony is at the heart of what I do.  However, this time the mother of the bride was the minister. Her perspective was not only religious, but also personal.  As it turns out, her input and participation made for one of the most heartwarming interfaith wedding ceremonies in which I have participated.

The Wedding

Dave and Tori, along with their family and friends, gathered in Long Boat Key for a beautiful outdoor interfaith wedding ceremony.  At the start, Vicki welcomed everyone, which was so appropriate; they were her family and friends too.  Because of Dave and Tori’s love and mutual respect for each other’s background,s and as a result of Vicki’s and my mutual respect for each other’s beliefs, a truly special ceremony evolved.  The couple married under a Chupa, the traditional Jewish wedding canopy, I wrapped them in Dave’s tallit and recited the seven blessings.  Vicki led the couple in reciting their vows and read a verse from the New Testament (Corinthians).  We each individually shared our thoughts about David and Tori.  Dave broke the glass  and I pronounced them husband and wife. What a special day.

What I Learned

Early in my career I made it a point to take time after each experience, each ceremony, each meeting, each lesson, to stop and think.  What went right? What can I improve for next time? And, perhaps most importantly, what did I learn? Honestly,  I learn something every single time.

Ultimately, Dave and Tori’s interfaith wedding was no exception.  I learned the value of taking a moment to make sure I am actively listening.  In this case I did.  I may have had initial concerns regarding sharing the officiating duties with the mother of the bride; but I did not make a rash decision.  I took a moment, waited and listened. I approached it with a positive end in mind. In this situation, it served me well.  Honestly, in most situations it does.  My choices are inherently better when I don’t rush to a decision. Perhaps that’s advice we can all heed.  Especially in this day and age.  Stop, ask questions and listen.  Approach solutions with a goal for positive outcomes!  I’m so glad I did.

Officiating with Vicki was eye opening.  It was a truly moving experience.  One which I will always remember.  Thank you Dave and Tori, for inviting me to share this special day with you.  And thank you Vicki, for your acceptance of me, your open and mind and your willingness to share your family and this very special day.

Want to create your own “dream come true wedding”?  Contact Cantor Debbi today to see how you can co-create the event of your dreams.

 

Cantor Debbi Ballard is  a spiritual leader leader in  South Florida , well-known for her commitment and dedicated to the unaffiliated Jewish community.  She officiates at all life cycle events and looks forward to welcoming new families.  Learn more about Cantor Debbi at www.mypersonalcantor.com.

Filed Under: Jewish, Interfaith, LGBTQ Weddings, Weddings Tagged With: co-officiant, Interfaith wedding, jewish interfaith ceremonies, officiant, south florida

Jared’s Bar Mitzvah, and my best review – EVER!

May 2, 2009 by Debbi Ballard 2 Comments

This past weekend was Jared’s Bar Mitzvah.  I was so worried about this one, simply from a time constraint perspective.  No sooner did I finish Jess & Pete’s wedding in Orlando, I jumped in the car, drove home, taught Hebrew School from 9-10am, and was ready for Jared’s Bar Mitzvah at 10:30! (It required setup at 7:30 a.m., but it’s all in a day’s work..)

I was just worried that something might go wrong with driving back and forth, or that I might not be as focused as I needed to be, but from the moment we entered that room, there was a very special magic.

Jill’s friend, Janet, who is a mutual friend of my bff Mindy, was there, and she told me the story before we started about how she was responsible for baking Jared’s challah from scratch.  She baked one the night before, and she said “It just wasn’t feeling the love…” so..she got up the next morning, and baked a new one.  This time, she had all the positive, yummy, feel good intention for Jared that she was feeling as she was rolling the dough, and this one came out just perfect!  I thought – what a great thing to share in the service!!  It is so true that when we make things with love and positive intention, they come out even more yummy than we could ever imagine! YES!

The morning just got better from there.  Jared was one of the most poised, unflappable young men I have seen on a bimah. He knew his material, and was so proud to be there, that his attitude helped make the day so incredibly successful.  Jill, who was so worried about writing her “Dear G-d” prayer for Jared, spoke so beautifully and eloquently, and so did Bruce.  Their prayer for Jared was just what we all pray for, for our children, but knowing how nervous Jill was, it made it all the more special for me to listen to.  Hard not to shed a tear at that moment, for everyone – including me!

As I promised Jill, but she might not have originally believed, the service was over in a flash.  Torah reading, prayers, Aleinu, Kaddish…all short, but very sweet, and it was time to move on to the celebration everyone had waited for.  Jared was moving on to be the rock star of the day!

I moved on – to go collapse at home!  A wedding the night before and a Bar Mitzvah the next morning can take quite a bit out of a traveling Cantor.  But, the day was peaceful, and filled with beautiful memories of two amazing events in one single weekend.  This was one incredibly proud traveling Cantor!

What made me even prouder, was to receive Jill’s email the following day.  It was the best email I had ever received – and so I am going to be a tad boastful, and publish it here, on Jared’s blog entry.  (As well as my references page).  I’m just so proud and fulfilled to bring these kind of feelings to a an experience, not to mention a family who I have really grown to love…

*************************************************

Debbi,
So, it has taken me 3 days to come back down from this high and now I can breathe again. Watching our son become a Bar Mitzvah was a moment we will cherish forever. He was so confident and poised. Jared was all grown up.
Since we had never seen one of your services we did not really know what to expect. Any expectations we would have had were exceeded. I know every parent must think their child’s service was the most amazing, but the service you performed was not only amazing and beautiful but truly moving and all about Jared. All that were there sharing this moment in our lives felt totally connected to Jared. That is because of you!!!! We could see the connection you have made with Jared. It was evident you both like each other, and the connection we have made with you. It felt like one big family witnessing Jared step on the next stone of the long path ahead of him.
We received so many complements on your behalf. I wanted to share them with you.
” I learned so much from Jared’s service, I did not know why all you do anything before Cantor Ballard explained them.” —Goodman
“I was so moved by the service, it is not often I feel a part of the service, and I have been to a lot of services.”
—-Premer
” I was so proud of Jared. This is my 4th grandchild to be a Bar Mitzvah and I finally understand what it is all about.” —–Krause
These are only a few of the comments.
Debbi, you really made this service everything we wanted it to be. We will always have you in our hearts and we look forward to having you guide Asher through this wonderful ritual.
With much love,
Jill and Bruce
xoxo

 

Want to create your own Bar Mitzvah “dream come true”?  Contact Cantor Debbi today to see how you can co-create the event of your dreams.

Filed Under: Bar/Bat Mitzvah Adventures Tagged With: Bar Mitzvah, bar mitzvah cantor, bar mitzvah rabbi, beautiful bar mitzvah, private bar mitzvah, south florida

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Sunrise, FL 33326
954-646-1326



~ Officiating Jewish & Interfaith Weddings, Bar & Bat Mitzvahs, Funerals, and any other Jewish Lifecycle Services in Florida, USA – Destination Weddings in North America, Mexico, Caribbean & Worldwide ~

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  • 10:00 am – 11:15 am, September 19, 2020 – High Holy Days with Cantor Debbi Ballard on ZOOM
  • 7:00 pm – 8:15 pm, September 27, 2020 – High Holy Days with Cantor Debbi Ballard on ZOOM
  • 10:00 am – 11:15 am, September 28, 2020 – High Holy Days with Cantor Debbi Ballard on ZOOM

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